Felines Only

In our house, when we have something important to discuss, we have a family meeting. Today, Carrick called a family meeting. And this is how it went.

Mackin: My dad isn’t here! I think we should wait.

Me: He’s working right now.  And he’ll probably work late.

Carrick: But he already did that yesterday!

Me: Well, he’s working again so that he can get paid.

Carrick: Is he going to work tomorrow, too?

Seamus: Yes, leprechaun—he has no time for you!

Me: He always has time, and he’s here when he’s able.

Seamus: Right. Alexa, play “Cat’s in the Cradle.”

Me: Seamus, you need to stop being sarcastic.

Seamus: Must I pretend to be enthusiastic?

Me: Yes. Yes, you must. Now we’re all ears.
Carrick, why did you ask us here?

Carrick: I saw a commercial on TV today—
it could change my life in a very good way!

Seamus: Was it for custom-made stilts to make you look tall?

Carrick: Nice try, Seamus! But I’m not bothered at all!
The commercial said I don’t have to be lonely
‘cause there’s a place you can go called “Farmers Only!”

Seamus: You’re not a farmer! Good lord! What drivel!

Me: Seamus, I want you to try to be civil.
Are you lonely, Carrick? Do you feel ignored?

Carrick: I’m not lonely, Mommy. But I get really bored.
For one hour and thirty-six minutes each day,
I have nothing to do and I want to play!
Seamus refuses to play golf with me,
and Mackin’s always with Daddy or sound asleep.

Me: You have toys all over—you could play alone.

Carrick: I would love to, Mommy, but you won’t give me a toad!

Me: So how does one commercial change all of that?

Carrick: It made me think—what about cats?
If there is a place for farmers to meet,
there must be a place for bored cats like me!

Me: If there were such a place, what would you do?

Carrick: I’d order a friend!

Seamus: Good luck to you.

Me: Okay, let’s pretend. Tell us more.
If you were to do this, who would you ask for?

Carrick: I’d order a cat just like me
who never runs out of energy!
But I’d want it to be a lady cat—
fun to play with and fun to look at!
The way it works is you make a post
and list things about you that they’d like the most.
You put a handsome picture alongside the list
and then you’re impossible for lady cats to resist!

Me: Just out of curiosity, what would your list say?

Carrick: That I’m funny and smart and I love to play!
But that’s all I have. I need something more.
Something the lady cats just can’t ignore.

Me: I think that’s enough. You’re an adorable cat.

Carrick: But you’re my mommy! You have to say that.

Me: Okay, Mackin and Seamus, this is just pretend.
But what would you say to help him make a friend?

Mackin: Carrick’s the best friend you could find anywhere!
He takes naps with me and holds me when I’m scared.
He explains things to me and he never gets mad.
He’s the best in the world except for my dad!

Me: Seamus, what can you say about your brother?

Seamus: Good lord! Must I participate, Mother?

Me: You know the answer to that. Now what do you say?

Seamus: This is not turning out to be a very good day.
I’d say Carrick enjoys playing in trash
and stealing my toys for his personal stash.
He’s not bad at golf and he does like to run—
I suppose once in a while he provides me with fun.

Me: Carrick, you see? You have two friends right here.

Carrick: I know and I’m glad, but they both disappear
for that hour and thirty-six minutes each day!
My new lady friend would run and we’d play
and Seamus would be jealous ‘cause he’d be on his own.

Seamus: Good lord! I would not. I prefer being alone!

Carrick: You’ll be jealous when we play long rounds of golf!

Seamus: I couldn’t possibly be jealous of someone so small.

Me: Stop it, you two.

Seamus: Yes, stop it, you sprite!

Carrick: You stop it first! I could do this all night.

Me: Wrong. No you won’t. Not tonight or today.
Carrick, are you done? Do you have more to say?

Carrick: I think I covered it all; now I just need to do it.
I have to find my best picture if I’m going to hop to it!
So what do you think, Mommy? Should I give it a go?

Me: I think Daddy and I need to get you a toad.