Post Archive by Month

September, 1990.  I turn sixteen.  Monty, my best friend, takes me to a CSU volleyball game.  At the game, an acapella group sings the national anthem, and one poor soul sings loudly on a rest.  Monty and I look at each other and try not to laugh, but it strikes us as so funny that we can’t stop laughing.  When …

Friedrich Nietzsche famously said, “If you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”  That’s what happened to me once during my years of substance abuse.  I looked in the mirror, leaned forward, and stared deeply into my own eyes—and the abyss stared back.  My eyes were completely empty of expression, spirit, and identity; they …

Yesterday was my birthday.  I used to hate birthdays when I was in active addiction—time was passing me by and I had nothing to look forward to.  Birthdays are so different now that I’m in recovery.  I have friends and family to celebrate with—to make me feel loved and known and special.  And I actually enjoy thinking about my life …

In addition to my own recovery meetings, I’m part of a huge online recovery support network.  On both Facebook and Instagram, I have fellow members in the recovery community that share my daily struggles, and I have the privilege of sharing theirs.  I’ve noticed a trend lately in this community—a debate about the merits of AA and other 12-step programs …

Last night, Monty and I were watching a TV show.  There was a scene where the husband was telling his wife about all the dark thoughts he fights against.  The wife listened, then said, “Choose the sun.”  I asked Monty to pause the show, so I could write that down. “I love that,” I said to him.  “Choose the sun.”  …

Remember that scene in “The Sixth Sense,” where the kid whispers his secret: “I see dead people”?  I’m going to whisper my secret to you:  I see words.  Everywhere.  All the time.  When I’m having a conversation with someone, every word they say runs across my brain like a news crawl—complete with punctuation and quote marks.  It’s as real as …

Last week, my dad emailed me an article about Al’s News, a place where he and I spent hours when I was growing up.  The article said that Al’s News was closing after over seventy years in business.  Monty and I decided to make one last trip to Al’s, so on Saturday, we drove to the city where we grew …