We Three Boys

The following is a transcript of a discussion I had with our cats this afternoon.

Me: Sit down with me, boys. Let’s talk about Christmas.

Carrick: Ooh, fun!

Mackin: Oh dear.

Seamus: What kind of punishment is this?

Me: It’s not a punishment; we’ll just have a chat.

Seamus: I prefer not to. I’m missing my nap.

Me: Hey, Ebenezer—you’ll stay here with us.
Since when are you Scrooge? You love Christmas.

Seamus: Fine. I shall stay. But let’s make it snappy.
I have things to do besides making you happy.

Me: Not now you don’t. Sit down with your brothers.

Seamus: Good lord! I am sitting. Are you happy now, Mother?

Carrick: Seamus, you should stop being so rude!

Me: Carrick, I’ve got this. I don’t need help from you.
Okay, on with the questions. Mackin, you start.
I know you love Christmas. What’s your most favorite part?

Mackin: The boxes and papers!

Carrick: The shiny things on the tree!

Seamus: Helping you wrap presents.

Me: And what does that mean?
Rolling on the paper? Getting tape in your fur?
Knocking down scissors while you look sweet and purr?

Seamus: Quite right! I don’t know how you’d do it without me.

Me: I can’t imagine. Next question, you three.
Do you know why we celebrate Christmas each year?

Carrick: Oh yes I do!

Mackin: I don’t. Oh dear.

Me: Carrick, go ahead. Tell your brothers about Christmas.

Carrick: It’s the day when we celebrate the birth of Jesus!
In my homeland of Ireland, long long ago,
Santa brought baby Jesus to His mommy’s front door.

Me: What? No. That isn’t what happened.

Mackin: But I liked that story.

Carrick: Me, too! Thank you, Mackin!

Seamus: Dad reads us the story on Christmas each year.
Do you nitwits not listen? Is there cotton in your ears?
It’s quite clear to me now: you two know nothing.
I guess I’ll be the one who teaches you something:
Many eons ago, God spoke to a lady.
He said, “You have been chosen to give birth to a baby.”
Then the lady and her husband went on a trip
but forgot to make reservations at the town’s only inn.
So they stayed in a barn with goats, pigs, and cows.
The lady said to her husband, “This is happening now!”
Then she gave birth to Jesus—God’s only son.
His job was to love and to save everyone.
There were angels and shepherds. That’s it. The end.

Me: There are some holes in your story that we’ll need to fill in.

Carrick: Were there cats in that barn?

Me: I don’t know. Maybe.

Carrick: I bet there were! And they slept with the baby.
I would have done that to keep Jesus warm!

Mackin: I’d have given Him my toy so He wouldn’t be bored.

Seamus: And I would have sat in the lady’s lap
to watch baby Jesus before I took a long nap.

Mackin: Jesus was born in a barn just like me!

Carrick: And then you were saved by Mommy and Daddy!

Mackin: Did Jesus have a dad as nice as mine?

Me: Jesus’ Dad was God—the best Dad of all time.

Mackin: Does He love me as much as my other dad?

Me: Yes, He does, sweet boy. Even more than that.
You know how I know? He sent Jesus to save us.

Carrick: Did He save all of us? Did He even save Seamus?

Seamus: Impudent sprite!

Me: Seamus, don’t start.
God saves those who believe with their minds, souls, and hearts.

Mackin: I want another Dad–I will believe!

Carrick: I’ll believe, too!

Seamus: Fine. Make it three.

Carrick: Christmas is better now that I know all about it!
I might still be naughty—

Me: You will. I don’t doubt it.

Seamus: Now I am finished with this remedial lesson.

Carrick: Seamus, don’t go! I have to ask you a question.

Seamus: You’re trying my patience, but go on. Ask away.

Carrick: Why do cats always win at video games?

Seamus: What a ridiculous question! You’re wasting my time!

Carrick: Cats always win ‘cause they have nine lives!

Seamus: You have two choices, bro. Hush up or run.

Carrick: I’ll run! Then we’ll fight.

Me: God bless us everyone.