Hallo-what?

Our boys have noticed the Halloween decorations around the house, so this afternoon, I sat down and talked to them about Halloween. This was our conversation:

Me: Do you boys know what’s coming up next week?

Carrick: The most fun ever! It’s Halloween!

Seamus: It’s fun for five minutes, then I get bored.
And I don’t like greedy children coming to the door.

Carrick: There’s tricks and treats and hijinks and mischief!

Mackin: I don’t remember it, but I’ve decided to miss it.

Me: Last year, you said you had a good time.

Mackin: But this year I know what really happens that night!

Me: We hand out candy from a giant bowl—

Mackin: Then ghosts come down the chimney and steal our souls!

Me: That doesn’t happen. Who told you that?

Mackin: Seamus did. He said ghosts hunt for cats!

Me: Seamus, did you say that to scare your brother?

Seamus: Of course not. I wouldn’t go to such trouble.

Me: Really? Do you remember what happens to liars?

Carrick: Oh, I remember! Their pants catch on fire!

Me: Seamus, are you willing to take that chance?

Seamus: I’m not worried. I don’t wear pants.

Me: I’ll talk to you later. You lied and weren’t nice.

Carrick: Let’s talk about the costumes we’ll wear that night!
I’ve decided to be a swashbuckling pirate!

Seamus: Well, isn’t that fitting for someone who’s Irish!

Carrick: You’re Irish, too! Stop saying you’re British!
I’ll let you on my pirate ship if you admit it.

Seamus: My costume shall be that of King Henry the Eighth.
He ruled England and Ireland like I rule this place.

Carrick: You won’t rule me when I’m a pirate that night!
I’ll steal your stuff, then win our sword fight!

Me: Mackin, what would you like to dress up as?

Mackin: No pirates or kings. I want to dress like my dad!
He wears soft pants and glasses and always carries a
box.

Me: What–

Carrick: I know what he means. Daddy carries a laptop!

Me: Speaking of Daddy, what should he be?

Mackin: He should be Superman! He’s super to me!

Carrick: He should be a leprechaun! Just for one night,
he could be Irish and see what it’s like!

Me: I think he knows. Remember last night?

Carrick: He said, “You all are so stubborn. No one should fight!”

Seamus: I’ve thought of the perfect costume for him–
I’ll be Henry the Eighth; Dad’ll be Anne Boleyn.

Me: You should rethink that. How about something nice?

Seamus: It would be an honor for him! She was Henry’s wife!

Me: I know who she was. Be nice to your dad.

Seamus: Oh good lord, woman! It wouldn’t be bad.
I think he’d look lovely in medieval threads
and when he annoys me–off with his head!

Me: You can suggest that to him and not me.
What do you boys think Mommy should be?

Mackin: I think you should dress up like my dad!

Me: I thought you decided you were doing that.

Mackin: I did and I am! And if you did it, too,
instead of one dad, I would have two!

Seamus: Carrick, didn’t you think of a costume for Mom?

Carrick: Yes! I decided while watching “The Wizard of Oz!”
Mommy, I swear–I mean no offense,
but while I was watching, I saw a resemblance!

Me: I hate to ask this, but between me and who?

Carrick: The green wicked witch! She looks just like you!

Seamus: Good lord, that is rude! Carrick should be Toto—
swept out of my sight by a whirling tornado.

Me: Last but not least, what do you think, Seamus?

Seamus: I think your costume should be a big mattress.

Me: A mattress? Really? That’s also rude.

Seamus: No, it is not! It’s perfect for you!
I shall pad you with extra blankets and sheets,
then you’ll lie on the floor, a comfy bed just for me.

Me: What about costume ideas for each other?

Seamus: I’ve got a brilliant idea for my brother.
Carrick could dress as a ghost if he dares–
I’ll toss a sheet over him and pretend he’s not there.

Carrick: I’ll use my sword and chop my way out
and when I do, you better look out!

Me: No more choosing costumes. Stop it, you two.
I have one last question for all three of you:
What are you looking forward to most?

Carrick: The tricks!

Seamus: The treats!

Mackin: My dad and no ghosts!

Carrick: Mommy, what are you doing down on the floor?

Mackin: Oh dear! She’s dead!

Seamus: She’s probably just bored.

Me: I just decided that Seamus was right.
I’ll be a mattress, starting tonight.
I need a nap; Seamus, come join me.
If anyone needs something, go find your daddy.

Carrick: Mackin, let’s practice so I’ll win my sword fight!

Mackin: That sounds like trouble. Let’s be good tonight.

Carrick: That’s boring! But I can be patient now—
Halloween’s in nine days, and then? Holy cow!