The Story of Tonight

I heard a song this weekend that stopped me dead in my tracks. It’s a medley of a song from “Hamilton” called “The Story of Tonight” and a song from “Dear Evan Hanson” called “You Will Be Found.” It starts with these lyrics:
“We may not yet have reached our glory
But I will gladly join the fight
And when our children tell their story
They’ll tell the story of tonight.”

Those words made me think about the stories in my own life—about nights when I made choices, both good and bad, that changed the entire trajectory of my life. Nights that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. The first one that comes to mind is the night I went to my first recovery meeting. I’d been clean and sober for a year but was white-knuckling it—I was in a deep depression, feeling lifeless and hopeless, and on the brink of a relapse. Desperate for a lifeline, I went to my first recovery meeting. I’m an introvert—the only thing worse to me than sitting in a small group telling strangers my darkest secrets was staying trapped in the lonely darkness of those secrets. And I just could not stay trapped there one more day. So I walked down the stairs to the meeting room, sat down at the table, and when my turn came, I said, “I’m Renee. I’m an alcoholic/addict.” And the process of dismantling my old life and building a new one began—right there at that table. The meeting ended with us standing in a circle, holding hands and saying “The Lord’s Prayer.” I couldn’t say the words that night because I was crying. But I felt a pulse in my hands and in the hands I was holding, and I knew I’d found my lifeline—literally, a way back to life. And I had hope for the first time in years. I had a plan and a support system for recovery.

That meeting was seven years ago. And as long as I live, I’ll tell the story of that night, as the song says. It continues with these lyrics:
“Have you ever felt like nobody was there?
Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?
Have you ever felt like you could disappear?
Like you could fall, and no one would hear?
Well, let that lonely feeling wash away
‘Cause maybe there’s a reason to believe you’ll be okay
‘Cause when you don’t feel strong enough to stand
You can reach, reach out your hand.”

Those lyrics are the reason I’ll keep telling my story. Because I understand the pain of feeling forgotten. Lonely. Weak. Lost. And I know the unparalleled joy of being found. When I reached out, God put people in my path who took my hand. Monty held my hand through every painful and beautiful moment. My recovery family held my hands and told me I was going to be okay. They showed me how to live again. They helped me find God again. And that’s what my mission is—to do for you what they did for me. To tell you that you don’t have to keep living in darkness. There’s hope and help for you to put your life back together or get it on track for the first time—no matter how old you are. You can change your life starting tonight. Don’t wait for the time to be right. You’ll wait forever. I was addicted to drugs and alcohol for ten years. And every single day of those ten years, I vowed that I would stop when the time was right. There was no right time. There was a moment of decision.

The song ends with this:
“Tomorrow there’ll be more of us
Telling the story of tonight.”

Someday you’ll be telling the story of tonight. Yes—this night. Right now. And you get to choose what that story will be. Maybe it’ll be about the night you chose to get sober. The night you decided to reach out for help. The night you walked out of the shadows and into the light even when everything inside of you was screaming for you to go back to your comfort zone. The night when you looked up into the face of a loving God and finally surrendered and stopped running. The night when everything changed.

I believe with all my heart that, like the song says, tomorrow there’ll be more of us. There will be more people in recovery. More hearts at peace with God. More people living without shame. More friendships built on a willingness to risk love. And more people telling the most beautiful love story ever written: “I once was lost but now am found.”