Today, August 31st, is International Overdose Awareness Day.
Drug overdoses are the leading cause of death of Americans under 50.
In 2016, drug overdoses killed more Americans than the wars in Iraq and Vietnam combined.
Annually, overdose deaths surpass deaths from both car accidents and guns combined.
Every eleven minutes someone in the United States dies from an overdose.
I know these statistics are grim. I share them with you to raise awareness and also because I know there’s hope in the midst of this crisis. I was addicted to fentanyl, other opiates, and alcohol for ten years. I survived an overdose. Eight years ago, I got clean and sober. And I can tell you: sobriety is rarely a linear, easy journey from active addiction to full recovery. It’s often a journey of starts and stops—sometimes you make a mistake and have to pick yourself up and start again, this time with the tools and knowledge you gained along the way.
As I said earlier, today is International Overdose Awareness Day. September is National Recovery Month. The following are two poems I wrote to promote awareness and to share my experience, strength, and hope as I’ve been called to do in my recovery. Because recovery is possible. And with hard work and God’s grace, it’s not only possible, it’s probable.
“Over-Dosing”
– Renee Adele Phillips
There’s an opioid crisis but it rarely makes headlines—
who cares about junkies who use and then flat line?
Other issues seem more important and real,
even sports and the endless debate: “Stand or kneel?”
It’s just one more question to distract from the mess
that we’ve made saying yes to the ones we respect
and now no one talks about opioids—
statistics are noise.
Do I stand or do I kneel?
I bowed down to you, Doctor, and did what you said,
believing that fentanyl would stop the pain in my head.
I was instantly hooked; it was your drugs I took
One prescription after another, torn from your little book.
Ten years went by before you said you were done
You cut me off cold—from hundreds to none.
Withdrawal was brutal; I was floundering and drowning
I wanted to die when the pain wouldn’t stop hounding me.
I thought about heroin—no prescriptions to fill—
I knew patients of yours now using needles, not pills.
Years later I wonder—do you sleep well at night?
Do you care when someone dies from drugs you prescribed?
I choose to forgive you; I’ve made my amends.
You should make yours. You know how this ends.
If they don’t get help—the ones still alive—
eleven minutes from now, one more will die.
Do I stand or do I kneel?
I kneel:
I know that this struggle will never be over,
but I’m in recovery; today I am sober.
God, grant me the serenity to leave the past at Your feet
the courage to accept the healing you bring
and the wisdom to speak to those still suffering.
Help me to stand, a survivor of this crisis,
to be one who rises. To never be silent.
Use me to reach just one person today,
to shine Your light brightly and create purpose from pain.
“Amends”
– Renee Adele Phillips
I’m sorry I let you down again—
that I took from you what could have been
if all my lies had been the truth;
I cannot bear to look at you.
The disappointment in your eyes will drive me away.
Your sadness will break me, and I’ll run away.
Your words will cut me; I have to stay away.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.
How did I end up here again?
It’s the question with answers that never end
and yet I stand here asking it—
do I run or stay and climb out of this pit?
I have to face you if I want to stay.
I turn the light on so I can see you in the mirror through my tears; I stay.
I see you reflected back to me—imperfect, messy, hopeful—and I stay.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I finally forgive you.
I’m not running away.
If you’re struggling with addiction or mental health issues, call the SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services) confidential, 24/7 helpline at 1-800-662-HELP. They will provide you with referrals to treatment facilities and support groups near you, free literature on addiction and mental health, and community-based organizations that can help you.
I wrote this post, including researching the statistics, before I ever saw this video. When you watch it, you’ll see why I believe that nothing is random and that God brought this song to me. The song is a collaborative effort of several different artists, many of whom are in recovery themselves.
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Comments 4
Good morning Sparrow, For You, I know a difficult piece of writing. Your “raw, honest, soul searching”, you are quite brave. I knew you were an honest, truth be damned writer. You have proved it again, with this emotion filled, gut wrenching piece of writing. Thank God You are still alive, to reflect on your experiences.Also, your “tower of strength”, One word, Monty. Alyssa, for the past several years, has struggled with depression. It “tears” Debbie and I, she is such a gifted, like yourself, writer, teacher. Th3 statistics you indicate, on “drug use”, is staggering. It is like our officials, “turn a blind eye”, to addicts, recovery programs, funding, etc., to this problem.How many “bright minds”, have we lost. America needs to “wake up”. Doctors, pharmaceutical companies, need to “come under the microscope” . Sorry for this lengthy reply. But, you Sparrow, as with our Alyssa, are two brilliant, creative minds, thank God the both of you have not landed on the “junk heap”. As always, great writing. God Bless You, Monty, the Cats. Love ya, texGen❤️
P.s. Great song
TexGen–you’re right. It was a difficult piece of writing but necessary for me. I thank God every day for saving my life. I’m so sorry for what Alyssa has had to go through; I understand that battle far too well. We both are survivors! You’re so right about the need for doctors and big pharma to be thoroughly investigated and punished when wrongdoing is found. I do believe it’s happening more these days, but more awareness is still needed. Thank you so much for your words and for reading mine. Love and prayers to you. And I’m glad you liked the song! ❤
Powerful message, the struggle will never be over so true because the temptation is always there. You have become so strong because you had to fight the hard fight that’s made you so strong and really you are so luckily to be alive, fentanyl that’s the worst of the worst you are a miracle to be alive. God was watching over you for sure and gave you the strength to go on. That doctor is nothing but a drug dealer, I bet his record would scare you, if you are throwing fentanyl around like that you have had to be doing a lot of damage.
Awesome post, you made me well aware of the drug problem, I can’t help but think some doctors are almost as bad as the drug dealers. So sad.
Thank you for the great post
Grover ❤️❤️❤️❤️👍👍👍
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Thank you so much, Grover. I realize how lucky I am to be alive every day–God is so good to me and was definitely watching over me, as you said. I agree with you–far too many doctors are glorified drug dealers, and they prey on vulnerable people in pain. Thank you so much for your support and kind words. ❤