The New Normal

I’ve wanted to see the musical “Hamilton” since it first came out in 2015 because I heard it was history told mostly through hip hop, which I love. Last night, I finally got to see it. Monty and my parents and I watched it—it’s streaming on Disney now and filmed in such a way that you feel like you’re a part of the audience. I was transfixed by it. Enraptured. In awe of the genius of Lin-Manuel Miranda who wrote the music and lyrics and starred in it as Alexander Hamilton.

I’ve been haunted by it. The cadence, the rhymes, the alliteration—these are a few of my favorite literary things. Inspired by them, I decided to write my own piece of poetry in the vein of “Hamilton.” If you’re wondering about the cadence of it, say the words “Alexander Hamilton” out loud—that’s the slow, marching rhythm of this.

The New Normal
– Renee Adele Phillips

I know that I seem strange to you
you’ve told me that like it was truth—
called me junkie misfit crazy
Words that scar and leave me aching
wanting crying praying begging:
see me hear me never leave me—
I’m so tired of even caring.

So here it is, my revolution:
the beginning of my evolution—
No, I won’t conform to you
perform for you
reform for you
I’m ready now to raise my voice
and write the wrongs that weren’t my choice.
You had your chance, for years it seems
to hurt and pervert the truth about me
Your time’s run out; now it’s my turn
to say to whom it may concern:

You say I’m mad? I’m glad for it
Addict? Yes, I’ve paid for it
On the edge? I’m fueled by it
because this is the truth of it:
I feel the dark; I’m marked by it
twisted painful sometimes sick
but if this is madness, let it be:
I want it
need it
it works for me
I create from your hate
but I still feel the pain
losing myself is a price I won’t pay

My God, my God, I’m on my knees
in desperate need of serenity
let this be done—this battle won
I lay it down, no more undone
I’m forgiving you and accepting me
as a product of God’s artistry.
I’m standing, walking in my truth:
a bit broken, yes, but also proof
that God can use the freaks like me
I’ll take that word—it sets me free
to use it and feel it and wear it with pride
It’s not yours to use; now it’s mine.