Fight Song

In the last two months, I have been through some of the most brutal days of my life. I had back surgery two months ago to repair some spinal damage that was causing me excruciating pain. The first three days after surgery were relatively easy—the pain was manageable, and I felt hopeful about my recovery. But on day four, I went to get out of bed and just crumpled. I couldn’t walk. Pain shot up and down my back and legs. Monty found me on the floor and called the surgeon, who said for me to get an MRI and follow up with him when I was strong enough. About a month later, I sat in front of the surgeon as he looked at the MRI. He said that there had been more extensive damage than he originally thought, and that the first surgery had caused complications that would have to be immediately addressed. Within 48 hours, I was back at the surgery center to undergo a second surgery. As I was waiting alone in pre-op (Monty couldn’t be with me because of the COVID-19 restrictions), the surgeon came in to talk to me. As he left the room, he said over his shoulder, “Okay then. One more round. I’ll see you in recovery.”

The recovery was different this time. I was still in intense pain, but I was able to walk and move. Now, I’m almost four weeks post-op. Every day, there’s less pain and more mobility. At my last appointment, my surgeon said that he thinks most of the damage has been corrected. He patted me on the shoulder as I left his office, and he said, “What did I tell you? Just one more round.”

Those words—“one more round”—are my favorite words from the “Rocky” movies. I’m a diehard “Rocky” fan. I love the character of Rocky Balboa and the formula of the movies, especially the fights. Rocky starts every fight strong but soon begins to take a serious beating. The moment invariably comes when he’s up against the ropes. He’s bleeding from his nose and his mouth. His eyes are almost swollen shut. He tells his coach, Mickey, that he can’t keep fighting. Mickey tells him to get up and fight one more round. He says it until Rocky says it with him—“one more round.” And then it happens: the theme music swells. Rocky gets up and gets back in the ring. And he starts to fight back—with just a punch or two at first, then with a relentless pummeling. The crowd starts chanting, “Rocky!  Rocky!” And Rocky gives it all he’s got, again and again, until his opponent is on the floor.

I’ve used the mantra “one more round” to keep myself going through the hardest times in my life—through grief so gut-wrenching I literally couldn’t breathe. Through the nearly indescribable sickness of withdrawal. Through the darkest periods of depression. And through chronic, debilitating pain. In all of these instances, I truly believed that I’d gotten to a point where I couldn’t go on. I still feel that way many times. I tell God that I’m finished. That I’ve hit rock bottom. That the pain is too much. And every single time, God pierces through the pain and darkness with three words: one more round. I hear them faintly at first. But then I start to hear them more loudly. I hear them until I start saying them with God, just as Rocky did with Mickey: “one more round.”

When I was on the floor after my first surgery, unable to walk and crying from pain, I knew I had a huge fight ahead of me. And I told God right then that I couldn’t do it. My body was exhausted. My spirit was broken. I was done. Except I wasn’t. God whispered, “One more round.” And with His help and Monty’s, I got up off the floor, and I got back in the ring. Again.

If you’re feeling broken and defeated right now, you’re not alone. I know what you’re thinking because I’ve thought it, too: I can’t bear another heartbreak. I can’t stand any more pain. I’m weary and broken and so far beyond exhausted that I don’t know how to go on. Hear me as I say to you what I’ve said before in my blog posts: you aren’t reading this by accident. If you’re reading this, it’s because God brought you here—to these words, in this moment. To the words I pass on to you as they were passed on to me by God and all the Mickeys in my life: you can do this. You can fight one more round. You don’t have to figure out how to fight every step of the battle you’re in. You just have to get up. Get up, get back in the ring, and get ready for one more round. How? Rocky said it best: “One step at a time. One punch at a time. One round at a time.” Just one. Lean on your God and the Mickeys He’s placed in your life, and fight one more round. Remember Mickey’s words: “I didn’t hear no bell.” Until the day you hear that final bell, when God calls you home, keep fighting. One more round, fellow fighter. Fight on.