Walmart Wonderland

I’m probably in the minority here, but I love Walmart.  I love that you can have your eyes examined, get your nails painted, pick up your prescriptions, and then buy anything you need, from cat litter to frozen dinners.  I also love Walmart because of the people who shop there.  These are my kind of people—people who wear their pajamas to shop.  People who put lipstick and windshield wipers in their carts.  People who wear overalls and not much else.  Walmart, to me, is like the Island of Misfit Toys in “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”  At Walmart, it’s the normal people who stand out.

Now Christmas time at Walmart?  That’s a whole different beast.  This was our experience when Monty and I went there last night:

‘Twas three weeks ‘til Christmas and all through Walmart,
all the county had gathered, wielding their carts.
We get the cart that has the bad wheels
so when we go around corners, it sticks and it squeals.
But that noise is nothing compared to the kids–
they run wild through the aisles; they yell and they skid.
Yet no parent claims them as they scream and they play.
I’m tempted to stop one, to kneel down and say,
“Where are your parents, dear sweet little boy?
If your behavior continues, Santa won’t bring you toys.”

Instead, we keep going, checking things off our list,
but inevitably there will be things that we’ll miss.
Neither of us minds; we both like to wander;
Monty finds stuff he “needs” while I watch and ponder:
There are so many characters walking around–
I grab my notebook and start writing them down.

Yes, Walmart’s the place for ideas and for food
if you have the right mindset and don’t care who’s rude.
The checkout line’s tough, like a game of “Survivor”–
people will fight you if you don’t use the divider.
We get a checker who keeps heaving great sighs;
when we ask how her day was, she just rolls her eyes.

We make it outside and fill our trunk up with stuff,
then collapse in the car, saying, “Wow, that was rough.
Do you realize we spent two hours in there?
Did you notice that there were kids everywhere?!”
Together, we exclaim as we drive out of sight,
“We’re so glad we have cats—ah, sweet silent night.”

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Comments 14

  2. Absolutely! love! this!
    Possibly even more because that was my reality last night as I picked up items for our upcoming company Christmas party. Your descriptions are spot on… right down to the sighing and eye-rolling checker and children running amuck in almost EVERY aisle. Thanks for the great laugh!

    And the picture of your boys just screams “We Three Kings of Me-ow-ritent Are”. Simply adorable!

    Reply

    1. I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I very much enjoyed the Christmas carol you just invented. 😊 Thank you so much for your words, Lisa. You always bless me. ❤

      Reply

  3. Sparrow, your description of the “normal shoppers”, is “on the money” Kind of like the old Aroldis Guthrie song, later a movie, “Alice’s Restaurant”, you can get anything you want at , “Alice’s Restaurant”, aka Walmart. Lots of varieties, shoppers, products, etc. I agree Christmas shopping is a “totally different animal, Aka “out of control children and parents.”. But, your ending, regarding your Cats (and or dogs) is wonderful. My Bradley and Bruno, “dream of what Santa will bring”, Probably not, but maybe. Summing up, your “piece”, enjoyable, funny. Keep up your “Beautiful, Creative writings, Sparrow, love reading each one…TexGen ❤️

    Reply

    1. TexGen–I haven’t seen that movie, but I’ll be sure to watch it. I always enjoy what you recommend. I do think you must contact Santa and tell him that Bruno and Bradley have been the very best boys this year. Thank you for your encouraging, kind words, dear friend. ❤

      Reply

  6. I love your writing! You have such a gift, you take Walmart as a topic and produce such a fun piece of writing! Thanks for the lighthearted read tonight. I love you, my dear friend. ❤️

    Reply

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