I recently asked you, my wonderful readers, to give me a topic to write about. I told you that no matter what you suggested, I’d write about it. And you responded in emails, messages, and on social media. One of you suggested that I write about crickets. So I’m tackling that topic first. Because it’s the worst.
I mentioned in a previous post that I have orthopterophobia—an irrational fear of crickets. It’s true—crickets genuinely terrify me. When I hear crickets, I don’t think, Ah. A nice summer evening. I think, Where is that dreadful noise coming from so I can run in the opposite direction? When I see our cats in a little circle, messing with something on the floor, I think, Please, God. Don’t let it be a cricket. I can’t even watch “Pinocchio” because of Jiminy. In Chinese culture, crickets symbolize good luck. In my own personal culture, they’re harbingers of doom.
So when I started doing research for this post, I decided to use my cellphone so that the pictures of crickets would be smaller. I typed “crickets” into the Google search bar, hit Enter, and shut my eyes. I braced myself, opened one eye, and started to scroll down the page. I clicked on an article called “Eleven Cute Facts About Crickets.” I had zero confidence in the “cute” part but hoped that with a title like that, the subject matter might be . . . manageable. Wrong. The article should have been called “Eleven Horrible Facts About Crickets That Will Make You Fear Them If You Don’t Already.” Examples from the article:
- Crickets don’t chirp by rubbing their legs together. They use their wings. I didn’t know crickets had wings. Does that mean they can fly?! If the answer is yes, I don’t want to know. But I’ll never find out because I’m too scared to Google it.
- Crickets have ears on their front legs, below their knees. So crickets have wings and ears. The picture this creates in my head is worse than any image in any Stephen King novel.
- There are three types of crickets. One type “wanders into buildings.” The second type is a house cricket, and they breed and live inside homes. I didn’t read about the third type. Nor did I read the eleventh “cute fact.” Thinking of crickets treating our home like a Holiday Inn was the last straw.
I turned off my phone and sat here, picturing crickets wandering one by one into our house like tiny hobos carrying bindles—weary and hungry from riding the rails, hoping for prime real estate in the kitchen where they could eat our crumbs. And house crickets, coming in a horde with little U-hauls and suitcases, ready for their extended stay—all of them listening to my every movement with their ear-knees. And I told myself I couldn’t do it. I simply could not write about crickets.
But then I thought of another definition of crickets. One that’s a metaphor—and I do love metaphors. Wictionary defines it this way: “Absolute silence; no communication. Derived from the cinematic metaphor of chirping crickets at night, signaling (otherwise) complete quiet.” This definition is one I can write about. This I can relate to. I’ve known many nights of absolute silence—terrible dark nights when I was either scared, lonely, panicked, depressed, or a combination of all of those.
I remember one of those nights when I was in the darkest days of my struggle with substance abuse. I was sitting on the floor with our cat Ricky in my lap. I couldn’t bear the silence, so I turned on the TV. And a movie was on, with a song playing that had these lyrics:
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I listened to those words, and I started to cry. For the first time in years, I felt the presence of God. It was as if He were singing those words directly to me, telling me that I wasn’t alone. That He still loved me. That I belonged to Him, even after all of the mistakes I’d made. It was the first crack in the walls I’d built around my heart—walls built from anger, pain, and fear. Over the next few months, that crack widened little by little until I finally decided to just tear down the walls. And when I did, I didn’t walk back into God’s arms. I ran.
I still have those dreaded moments of silence when all I hear is crickets—those moments when it’s three o’ clock in the morning and I’m scared or depressed. Those moments when I realize anew that no matter how much someone loves me, there are places on my journey they can’t go—places that I have to navigate by myself. And in these moments, I remind myself, There is Someone who can go with you. Someone who loves you more than you can imagine. Look up.
Sometimes it takes every last bit of strength I have to decide to look up. But when I do—when the world falls away, and it’s just me and my God—the silence fills with the sound of His voice. Three o’ clock passes. The sun rises. And once more, the darkness recedes, taking the crickets—metaphorical and literal—with it.
The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3
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Comments 20
Such a lovely post. About crickets. Only you 💕💕💕
Thank you! Such terrible subject matter. . . 😊
Monty can bring us all your crickets. Our gecko would love them. 🙂 Very nice way to write about such an obscure subject.
Gecko?! Thank you, Sandra.
This was charming! It is hard sometimes to identify with another person’s fear, but I feel the same way about mice in the house, and the enemy plays on that fear to disturb my sleep some nights. Thank God that He drew you with that song, and that He keeps drawing us to learn from Him. God bless you, Renee!
Heather–love what you said about how God keeps drawing us to Him. He does. And He knows the exact set of circumstances that will draw each of His unique children into His arms. Blessings to you, too–and thank you.
Wonderful blog as usual! Loved it! Who knew that crickets have ears on their front legs?!? As you know, their ears are no match for our cat’s stealth attacks on them — especially Carrick! The boys have your back with crickets. 🙂
Seriously, though, I love how you always take a topic like crickets, teach me things about them, and turn it into another direction and another perspective! Love you!
Monty–yes, they have my back. But why must they bring me the corpses? Thank you for your words–they’re always just what I need to hear. Love you, too. ❤
Love it,
Mission accomplished, Houston. Test complete.
Dear Renee,
I guess I don’t much like crickets either because once I got into your writing, I almost quit reading! But, I’m glad I didn’t! I love that song from “Hope Floats.” I’ve never looked at it from the point of view of God saying those words to me. Genius!!!! Thanks again for another wonderful blog post!
Love you!!!!!
Lisa–I love that song and the movie. I might need to watch it again. I’m so glad you liked the post–that always makes me so happy. I love you so much. ❤
You did it Renee! You wrote about crickets. I love this. You really are amazing. Keep writing, writing, writing.
Yes, Mom, I really did write about crickets–the creatures you said were so ugly even dogs don’t like to look at them. 😊 I hoped you’d like it, and I am so very glad you did. I’ll keep writing if you keep reading. ❤
If you can write this engagingly about crickets, you can truly write about anything! Note: I thought you might choose to elide into an essay on cricket, the baseball-like sport (that would also be a challenge) but you faced your fears straight on! Brava!
Thank you so, so much, Mary! I briefly considered the sport, but as you said, that also would have been challenging. I know less about sports than I do about bugs. Unfortunately. 😊 Your words of encouragement mean a great deal to me. Thank you.
You are amazing and brave, not to mention informational. I would never have guessed where you were going with this story. Keep writing.
Thank you so very much, Rhonda– I will. I so appreciate you taking the time to read my words. ❤
Renee, What a very informational blog on crickets. I did not know they had wings either. I did the work for you and looked up if crickets can indeed fly. I found out that there are some that can fly and some that don’t have wings and can’t fly. I will spare you the details on which kinds can fly. I love how you relate crickets to our need for our Savior! He does love us unconditionally and is always with us. What a great comfort and reminder of how much He does love us! He loved us so much that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Thanks for the reminder to look up. No matter the situation we are in, looking up is the best thing to do! You amaze me with your writing talent and you have blesssed me yet again. Thank you for writing and giving those who read your words the blessings of what God wants us to hear. Keep on writing, my friend! I love you. ❤️
You’re so funny! I can’t believe you looked that up. Thank you (I think?) for letting me know. 😊 As for the rest of your words, all I can say is thank you, Melanie. You’ve blessed me as always. Love you back. ❤