I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I hate the negativity on Facebook—the nasty political posts, the mean-spirited people who make hateful comments just for the fun of it, and the way some people use it as a weapon to post not-so-cryptic messages about their “friends.” But I love the connections that Facebook gives me—to new friends, old friends, and family members. These are just a few examples of the positivity I’ve found on Facebook in the past week or two:
Through Facebook, I reconnected with a friend from high school who reminded me of a song I’ve always loved but hadn’t thought of in a while. The song is “Anthem,” by Leonard Cohen. These are my favorite words in the song:
The birds they sang
At the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what
Has passed away
Or what is yet to be. . .
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
From the time I was old enough to put words together, I knew I wanted to be a writer. And as I grew up, I felt God calling me to write. But then my years of substance abuse happened, and when I got clean and sober, I wondered for the first time in my life if God really was calling me to write. I didn’t doubt that I could write; I doubted that I should. I didn’t think that a person like me—an ex-junkie, ex-drunk—should be one of God’s representatives. I thought that people would close their minds and ears to anything I had to say because of my past—and that would push people away from God, not pull them closer. In the middle of those soul-searching days, I remembered “Anthem.” I listened to Cohen singing those words, over and over. And I thought—it’s time to start again. Time to direct my focus not to the past or the future but solely to today. It’s time to write again. I knew any offering of words would be far from perfect. But I also was learning that, as Cohen sang, the cracks in me—the places where I was broken—were where God’s light got in. I knew how it felt to have light in my soul after a decade of darkness. It felt like joy. It felt like hope. And I wanted to share that message of hope with others who might need it. So I asked God to let the light shine out of my brokenness into someone else’s. And I sat down, put my fingers on my keyboard, and wrote my story. Again and again. Today, I’m living my calling. I’m writing a message of hope and praying that others hear it. In every poem. Every post. Every page. In every imperfect offering.
Facebook has exponentially increased the numbers of people who I know in the recovery community. Yesterday, one of them posted a picture of a camel and said, “Don’t forget to pray.” The camel/prayer connection sounded vaguely familiar, but I Googled it to find out what it meant pertaining to recovery. I read that Dr. Bob, the co-founder of the recovery program I’m in, often explained prayer using camels. Camels in a caravan kneel down in the morning to have their load for the day strapped to their back. And they kneel down at night to have their burdens unloaded. “It’s the same with prayer,” Dr. Bob said. “We get on our knees to unload at night. And in the morning when we get on our knees again, God gives us just the load we are able to carry for that day.” Just the load for one day—not yesterday’s burdens or tomorrow’s. It’s possible to carry our load of burdens for one day if we’re on our knees before we start and on our knees after we’re finished—and if we remember that there’s always Someone helping us to carry it.
Last week, I posted a blog on Facebook. A friend commented on it, saying, “There’s no way to know how much life will throw at you, and how easy it is to think, ‘I can’t do this.’ But God. . .” She said those were her two favorite words—“But God.” And I see why. They change everything:
- I’ve read the statistics and the stories, and I know I should have died when I was abusing drugs, especially fentanyl. But God had other plans for me.
- There are days when I think I’m not strong enough to live my calling. But God reminds me that if He calls me to do it, He’ll give me the strength to pursue it.
- Depression has at times been almost as dangerous as drug abuse—I have lived in such darkness that I truly believed I would never feel joy again. But God gave me the strength to get help, and today I feel the kind of joy that I never imagined was possible for me.
- I have dreamed so small. And I have hoped for so little. But God keeps giving me bigger dreams and new reasons to hope.
- Monty and I moved to Haxtun from Ft. Collins almost six years ago. The first year here was the hardest year of our lives. Monty was adjusting to his new job. I was clean but not sober. We didn’t feel like we fit in here, and we struggled to adapt to small town living. We wondered if we had made an awful mistake. But God began to change things for us. I got sober and joined a recovery program where I made some dear friends. Monty joined the choir and a club in our community, and he, too, made friends. We adopted our three cats. We found where we belonged in our family business. We started to love the rhythm of life here and the time we spent with my parents and brother and his family. And one day, there was a subtle shift. When we were driving back from a road trip, we didn’t say, “We’re almost to Haxtun.” We said, “We’re almost home.”
I love Lucy, and I love this meme that I’ve seen on Facebook many times. I couldn’t be a Kardashian if I tried. But I can be a Lucy. I can embrace the things that make me different. I can live my calling. And I pray that, like Lucy, I can give people a respite from the negativity in the world. Even on Facebook.
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Comments 17
I always enjoy reading your blog posts because you always speak openly and honestly and always show and demonstrate God’s grace and hope. It really is a respite from the negativity in the world! Thank you for always giving me that!
Monty–you know my heart, so these words from you mean so very much to me. Without the respite you’ve always given me, I’d be lost. Thank you for loving me just as I am. ❤
Renee, you are so welcome! I love what your says in your words! It is a blessing to so many, especially ME. The more I get to know you, the more I love your heart, your love for others and your desire for them to know the love of Jesus Christ! You inspire me, my dear friend! I love you. ❤️
I meant to say, “I love what your HEART says in your words!” I didn’t check for errors before sending it! Oops! 🤦🏻♀️
Thank you, Melanie. I would have figured out that you meant “heart”–no worries. I truly appreciate your words, and I’m grateful for the blessing of your friendship.
Another beautiful post Renee,
Thank you for being real to the core. I appreciate your words. None of us have lived a perfect life. Seeing how God can work and restore is refreshing. Don’t give up on your calling.
Susan–I love hearing from you! God has indeed worked to restore me. How can I not thank Him with the only gift I have? Imperfect, cracked, but a gift all the same. Thank you so much for reading my words and letting me know what you think. I really do appreciate it.
Beautiful post, I can understand you could make a great Lucy, Lucy always made people laugh and humor is what we all need, it is shuck an antidote to depress how can become depressed if you are laughing and looking for the humor in life.
Great post again!
Grover ❤️
Grover–finding you, a family member, and getting to know you has been one of the huge joys of Facebook. I so appreciate you. And thank you for such wonderful words. ❤
Sparrow, your writings are a true gift. Your faith in Jesus Christ inspires me, a# it does others. One of the good things @bout FB,I met you through your Aunt Phyllis, who is an old high school budd6 of mine. How fortunate, Phyllis recommended your writ8ngs, Poetic Blessings to me. As you know, my faith in Jesus Christ, is strengtheneD by my friendshi0 with you. Yo7band I have had our struggles, different ways, but struggles nonetheless. I agree with you, FB doe# show some people# downright “ mean sides”. But, there is also good on FB. You4 ‘ace in the hole”, .is your “rock” Monty. He is always by your side, supporting you, how wonderful. Very similar to my Debbie, who is my “rock”.Finally, you and I Big Lucy fans, we enjoy Christian music, anD Rock. Thank you,FB for bringing Soarrow in to my life. Keep on Blogging. See ya, FF❤️
TexGen–you are another Facebook gift. Getting to know Monty’s precious aunt through Facebook and then you through her has been so special. You say that I’ve strengthened your faith, but the truth is that we have strengthened each others’ faith. I’ve learned so much from you, and our shared interests have been such a joy. So I’ll say it like you did: Thank you, Facebook, for bringing TexGen into my life. ❤
Sparrow, p.s. I felt I needed to add to my previous comments. “Amazing Grace”, God has truly saved a wretch like me, and Your powerful blogs, keep me “focused” on the “Ultimat Reward” of Heaven. Bless You. FF TexGen ❤️
Thank you for adding that, TexGen. “Amazing Grace” tells my story and so many others’: “I once was lost but now I am found; was blind but now I see.” Such beautiful words. Thank you for the reminder. of that wonderful hymn, ❤
Renee, this might be my new favorite blog post! Such good encouragement in here! I am so glad you found your calling and are writing! You are such a good writer and God uses your words in ways you may not even know. And He uses imperfect people to bring others to Him and that is exactly what he is doing with your writing! Your story is amazing and God is using that story to touch the lives of those who read it and who needed to hear about the hope of Jesus Christ! Thank you for using the gift God gave you to bless others and bring them closer to God! You have sure blessed me! ❤️
Melanie–thank you for such uplifting and encouraging words. I’m so grateful that God uses imperfect people, as you said. If He didn’t, He couldn’t use any of us, could he? 😊 I appreciate that you always hear my heart in my words. Thank you for what you said about the hope of Jesus Christ. Love to you tonight. ❤
You’re more than a Lucy OR a Kardashian!!! You’re Renee!!! And I love You.
Oh, now THAT is a very nice thing to say, my Frister. Thank you. I love you, too–so much.