When I was ten, my little brother Adam and I found a “secret” hideout near a bike path that we rode on every day in the summer. To get to our hideout, we left the bike path, crossed a little bridge, and waded through patches of tall, marshy grass until we got to the bank of a creek. We were completely hidden there, in our own little world. I sat on the creek bank, dangling my feet in the water, writing poems and thinking about how enormous the world was—filled to the brim with ideas and people and music and words—all waiting to be discovered and written about. Adam never sat down. He was too busy with his cap gun, being Davy Crockett. A cowboy. A sheriff in the Wild West.
One morning, while we were playing by the creek, a man startled us by appearing out of nowhere, right behind us, and yelling at us to leave. I jumped to my feet, stammering, and Adam came up behind me. Neither of us got a word out—the man became unhinged, hollering at us about trespassing, using words that Adam and I had never heard. The man’s sudden appearance and vile words scared me so badly that I dropped my notebook of poems as Adam and I ran back to the bike path, chased by the man. The next day, Adam said he would go look for my notebook, but there was a new gate blocking the entrance from the bridge—and it was covered with “no trespassing” warnings and signs about private property.
Adam was mad but got over it quickly. I, on the other hand, was a very sensitive little girl who took the incident to heart. I went over and over it in my mind, trying to understand why that man would be so cruel to two innocent kids who had no idea we were trespassing on his property. I kept thinking, But we weren’t hurting anybody. Except for Adam’s occasional war cry, no one ever would have known we were there. Yet this man felt the need to yell at us, scare us, and take something precious from us—not just the place where we played, but our innocent belief that if we were respectful and kind, people would treat us with kindness.
I still shudder when I think of the man who shattered the peaceful place where my brother and I dreamed and played. I learned some hard lessons that day: sometimes, people will bully you simply because they can. They will lash out and hurt you because they have a misguided belief that you’re somehow trespassing and threatening their position. And as much as it breaks my heart to say it, they very often lie and manipulate and bully all while purporting to be representatives of God. I’m watching this happen right now, to people I love, in my community. And I keep thinking, But we never hurt anybody. As a child, I didn’t have the words or the courage to speak up in the face of that behavior. But I’m not a child anymore. And with every fiber of my being, I’m crying out and saying what I didn’t feel able to say when I was ten: Stop. Please stop hurting people just because you can.
Tonight, I admit to feeling disheartened and discouraged. I will find my joy again. I will look up and be reminded that my hope is in God, not people. That God is good even when His people aren’t. But in this moment, I’m remembering a little girl with brown pigtails and a head full of dreams, and a little boy with blond hair and pockets full of caps for his cap gun. I’m remembering those sun-dappled days when I believed that the world was kind, and people were good. And I’m thinking that I’d give almost anything for one more—one more care-free summer morning by the creek, dreaming big dreams with my little brother before we had the burden of knowing any better. And keeping the world at bay for as long as we could.
“Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind.”from "Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood" by William Wordsworth
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Comments 22
I think I understand what you are dealing with the bullying that’s going on. Unfortunately bullies are everywhere in our society, it comes from their desire to control everyone and everything around them, they are to be pitied they are so messed up they can’t enjoy their life because they too busy messing with everyone around them.
So the only way I know how to handle these miserable people is to step back get out of their way and watch them make fools of themselves. I would try to support and be there for the folks that are on the receiving end of the bulling. Only God has the real answers, maybe the bulling will back fire as it sometimes does or they will make themselves look like fools in front of everyone. The human race is so messed I sometimes think how does He stand us, but the answer is we are His creation and He loves us more than we can ever understand. You know we are supposed to forgive, in this I guess we forgive and but them in God’s hands for sure He can handle it. Unfortunately in this case you can’t do the tried and true method Grover’s method of handling bulling and that was like I told you was to beat the cr- p out of them as bad I am sure you want to, that’s really not the Christian way😁.
Looking forward to your next post, remember “let go, let God” He has this!
❤️
Grover
Grover–I really like what you said about stepping back and letting God handle bullies while supporting the people who are being hurt by them. And you’re right–only God has the answers as to why people do what they do; I’ve wasted too much mental energy trying to figure it out. When I read your last sentence, it felt like I’d taken a deep breath: it really is time to let go and let God handle this. Thank you for that. And thank you for adding your words and insight to mine. My love to you and Jean. ❤
Dear Renee, I wondered how you were going to handle this. Something about recent events had to come out in your writing because your heart has to be filled with those events. Even as we forgive, we long, as the Lord Himself does, for righteousness, repentance, and as far as possible, restoration. You did a tremendous job of relating an event in your early life to the bully tactics currently taking place without naming names or saying more than necessary. God bless you for your wisdom and discretion, and for your heart!
Heather–yes, my heart has definitely been filled with what’s been happening. But I haven’t known exactly how to address it without causing more pain. Your words on this mean so much to me–thank you for understanding.❤
Amazing words. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, my Frister, for your support and love. ❤❤❤
Appreciate your blog.Renee. Hard to understand life sometimes but we know we serve a big God and we know He is walking with us through the difficult times. Loved your story abot you and Adam. Please keep blogging!!
Jeannette–how grateful I am that we do serve a big God–so much bigger than the things that hurt us. Thank you for reminding me of that. And thank you for your encouragement. ❤
I’m sorry Renee. I don’t know who is doing what, but I know how it feels to be the one pushed around.
Thank you, Sandra. Your support and kind words are much appreciated.
Did you ever get your notebook back? I have never understood people that are so cruel and especially to children. It takes away a part of our innocence. It is sad that people are this way. Keep writing. I love to read your blog.
Beth–no, I didn’t get it back. I think Adam probably would have risked the trespassing thing to look for it, but I was way too afraid to let him try. You’re right–it did take away some of my innocence and trust in people. Thank you for reading my words–knowing that you do is an encouragement to me. ❤
Sparrow, you have outdone your creativity, in my mind. Way back, my next door Richie and we’re ver6 best buddies. I guess age 11 thru 13, we were inseparable. W3 would “dream up”, fun things. W3 ha$ a secret “swimming hole” , Twin Ponds aka Twinkie’s. Mayb3 a mike from our house, a secret swimm8h* hole. We soon found out “others”, New of this “cool place”, so we moved on, Vacant, old houses, w3 would f8nd an unlocked door, and “voila” a hideout. I5 was about the age, we discovered cigarettes, Befire we got home, made sure w3 had no smoke residue. One day, a unifirme$olic3 officer discovered this “cool hideout”, but he did not tell our parents. Scared us, message delivered and received by Richie and me. I have many, many wonderful memories of our escapades. Will save them for another blog. Yes, als9 as a youngster, encountetecsine bullying. Sunda6 school class, an olde4 boy would constantly “kick” the back of my chair. Finally, shaking a little, I reported this to the teacher. Kicking stopped. I do not like bullying, bullies, etc. I am having to end this, but this wa# a wonderful Blog. Keep on blogging, Sparrow. Your reservoir of creativity, impresses, amazes me ❤️TexGen
TexGen-oh, how I loved reading about you and your friend Richie. I can just picture the two of you at the swimming hole and then your faces when the police officer caught you. 😊 I have a hard time understanding the mind of a bully, and an even harder time understanding it when adults do it. I wish there were more good, decent people like you in this world. ❤ Thank you for your support–always.
Thank you, Sparrow for your kind words, Richie and I loved our Tom Sawyer/Huck Finn life in our “formative years”,🤠TexGen
THAT’S who you reminded me of! I loved those two books. ❤
Well said, my dear friend! I am proud of you for standing up for what is right! I am praying for you as you sort through all of this and praying you have the courage to keep saying, “stop hurting people just because you can.” ❤️
Thank you, Melanie–for your words, encouragement, and prayers. ❤
These are the days we are living in. It’s so hard but not hopeless. Thanks my dear!
So hard but not hopeless. You are a woman of astounding courage and grace. Thank you for your example. ❤
Best post ever!!!!
Thank you so very much. I love hearing from you. ❤