I wasn’t going to write a blog post tonight. But sometimes the Spirit moves me unexpectedly, and I MOVE. This afternoon, I heard a song I’ve never heard before. A song that kept me spellbound because it so aptly described how I feel. The song is called “I Get to Love You.”
As I listened to it, I thought about how perfectly it captured the gratitude I feel for the life God has given me. One of the most difficult moments in sobriety is in the early days—when your mind clears and the dust settles, and you look around, expecting almost no one to be there. You’re positive you don’t deserve love. And yet . . . there they are. The people who stayed. The ones who loved you even when you tried your hardest to push them away. The ones you hurt again and again with your lies and broken promises. Even the ones who had to love you from a distance because they felt like their presence enabled you. They’re still there. And they still love you.
Before my battles with substance abuse, I didn’t think much about who loved me or whether or not I deserved that love. In sobriety, I realized that I no longer felt entitled to love. I had been given the gift of love and had thrown it back in the face of those who tried to give it to me. But I made amends. And I stopped wondering if I deserved love and decided instead to accept it as part of my recovery. I was surprised again and again at the love still offered so freely to me.
When I heard that song today, I thought of love a bit differently. Yes, I’m beyond grateful for the love given to me. But this song rephrased that: “I get to love you.” When I take that simple sentence and emphasize different parts of it, the meaning changes:
I get to love you. Me. The person who once felt like I deserved nothing but recrimination and punishment.
I get to love you. It’s a privilege that humbles me again and again. And it’s one of my greatest joys.
I get to love you. I get to love you with all the grace and forgiveness you once offered me. I get to love—to pour out my heart and have an outlet for my gratitude.
I get to love you. You. People so amazing, so multi-faceted, so interesting. I look at my dad sometimes when we’re laughing together over some word play we both enjoy. And I think, I get to love you. I look at Monty when he’s out feeding the birds and squirrels, his heart so big that even the animals get a part in it. And I think, I get to love you. I look at our boys when we’re watching TV—the three of them in their special spots on the bed, and I think, I get to love you. My mom. My sisters. My brother. My nieces and nephews. Friends who have become very dear to me. I get to love them. And when yet another miracle happens in my life—a miracle of healing or growth—I look up and think, Even You. I get to love even You.
My head spins with gratitude. My heart fills with renewed love. So I say thank you to every single one of you who stayed during the hard years or who stepped in during the good years. Thank you. Thank you for loving me and for giving me the extraordinary privilege of loving you.
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Wonderful post Renee. So thankful you listened to the spirit and shared your heart so beautifully. God bless your ministry to all of us. 💕
Thank you, dear Jeannette. It’s the prayer of my heart that God uses my words as a ministry to bless others. Thank you for seeing that. ❤
This is wonderful! What a great post this is. And I GET TO LOVE YOU!!! I’m very thankful “the spirit” moved you to write this. The song is so wonderful too.
Thank you, my precious Mom. I’m beyond grateful that I get to love you. 💜
Another, “deep from your soul” blog, Sparrow. People you really dud not give much thought about, you received a Beautuful gift,realization, a second chance to love, appreciate. Quite a hole you dug out of, Sparrow. But, her you are, a second, maybe third chance. I too, got a second chance to love, respect my parents. I did not dekiberateky not love them, but it happened. Thank God, got the chance, to express love, respect. My demon, alcohol, fir a period of time, but, “I grew up”, so to speak, before it was too late. My “Rock”, Debbie, I saw a better way. Old friends I cad5 away, gave me a second chance on friendship. I ge5vtge Privilege to love, respect them. In closing, your words “powerful”,”honest” self examination and realization. Thank you for honoring us with this ,from your Heart blog. Keep on blogging,Sparrow. ❤️TexGen
Thank you, my friend. You said it beautifully–a second chance to love. I’m so glad you got that second chance, too. 💜
Thanks for loving me just the way I am! You are a blessing!❤️
Thank you, Melanie. So are you.
I’m so thankful that I get To love you back. ♥️
You always have. ❤