Dorothy Parker was a writer who lived from 1893 to 1967. She was a fixture in the literary scene of the 1920s but was most famous for the cutting wit she employed in her writing and social commentary. According to friends of hers, when her doorbell would ring, Parker would say, “What fresh hell is this?” meaning, “Oh no. Who’s at the door, bringing me something new to face?”
I hear you, Dorothy Parker. I’ve spent much of my life nervously listening for the doorbell—for that interruption which brings me something unexpected to deal with. Lately, it feels like someone’s leaning on the doorbell, announcing fresh hell at every turn:
Hey, Renee. You know that painful situation you were dealing with—the one you thought was finally resolved? It’s gotten worse. A resolution looks impossible.
Hey, have you checked Facebook lately? Read what this person posted. Wasn’t she supposed to be your friend?
You know those allergy shots—the ones you thought would be easy? Watch this! You’re in for quite an ordeal, judging by your first one. Who knew the reaction would be that bad?!
Ooh, Renee, listen to this phone message. You weren’t expecting that news, were you?
Guess what? You’ll have to cancel your plans for tonight. Because I have two words for you: bomb cyclone.
I wasn’t prepared for any of those things. I’m prepared for routine annoyances. When I get out of bed every day, I know that at some point in the day, I’ll experience pain, usually in the form of a migraine. I know that I will have a few minutes here and there when it’s difficult to breathe. I know that Mackin will throw up, and I will step in it with bare feet. I can prepare for these things with ice, an inhaler, and a sturdy rag. But I can’t prepare for bad news or sudden heartbreak. These are fresh hell, popping up out of nowhere, ringing my doorbell insistently and demanding that I answer.
I used to try to avoid fresh hell by treating the world like a minefield, telling myself that it might look beautiful and inviting, but right underneath that beauty, there were explosives just waiting to blow my life apart. So I tiptoed through the world. I was quiet and cautious, afraid to make the smallest misstep because I was sure it would trigger an explosion. And you know what I discovered over a lifetime of living that way? It doesn’t matter if I’m cautious. It doesn’t matter if I shut myself off from the world. It doesn’t matter if I tiptoe. My doorbell will still ring, announcing fresh hell. And there’s no possible way to avoid it or prepare for it.
The only way I know to handle those unexpected hardships is to look for joy in the midst of them. Instead of asking, “What fresh hell is this?” I’m learning to ask, “What fresh joy is this?” I look for joy the way a miner pans for gold. A gold panner focuses his efforts near a source of gold—an ore deposit or vein. He fills his pan from a river near the source, then gently shakes the pan back and forth, letting the heavy material in the pan sink to the bottom while lighter, useless material like gravel spills out. Then he carefully sifts through what’s left at the bottom of the pan, looking for gold dust or nuggets.
This is how I try to live. I sift through my experiences, letting go of the useless parts and keeping the good parts. And then I search through the good parts for joy. I can always find joy. Sometimes it’s hidden in the tiniest bits of gold dust—it’s in the middle of a circumstance that’s anything but joyful. And sometimes it’s in the form of gold nuggets—experiences of pure joy that seem to drop in my lap out of nowhere. Whether it’s in dust or nuggets, I only find it when I’m close to its source. So I focus my efforts there, in the arms of the Father of joy. When I’m focused on Him, I find fresh joy everywhere, even in the detritus of life. And life truly does become a gold mine, not a minefield.
I could have let myself get lost in the detritus on this past Monday. Both Monty and I had spent the day meeting unpleasant detours at every turn. On Monday night, we realized we were out of cat treats. We didn’t think it was a big deal—in our little town, after everything else closes at night, the Dollar General is still open. Monty and I rely heavily on the Dollar General; we only seem to remember things we need at night. So Monty went there to get cat treats but quickly came back. He walked in the door and said, “The Dollar General is closed. They close at nine now.” We stared at each other in disbelief. We looked at the boys, waiting expectantly for their treats. Monty said to me, very seriously, “I don’t know what we’re going to do anymore.” After all that had happened in both of our lives that day, it seemed like this was going to be the final straw. I looked at Monty’s stricken face and imagined my own. And I started to laugh. Our devastation was so absurd. The timing of the change in the Dollar General’s hours was absurd. Monty trying to hide his empty hands from the boys was absurd. Monty saw the absurdity, too, and he started laughing with me. We laughed until we scared Mackin. Then we tried to stifle our laughter for Mackin’s sake, which only made us laugh harder. Looking at Mackin’s sweet face while we laughed, I thought, What fresh joy is this? And there it was, at the end of that long day—gold.
“A joyful life is made up of joyful
moments gracefully strung together.”Brene Brown
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Comments 13
Another great post hope all is well with you guys, you are so right, in this life you have got to look for the humor (gold nuggets) to keep going.
Keep up the good work, “God bless you and your family “. I would write more but the knee won’t let me!
Love,
Grover
Grover–thank you! And thank you to your knee for letting you write as much as you did. I’m praying for your healing. God bless you, too. Sending love to you and Jean. ❤
Loved your blog Renee!! I to believe that God is using your writing to help others. I believe it is a ministry of sorts. It has been a blessing to me. Thank you !!😻😻
Oh, Jeannette, thank you! That’s the desire of my heart. Thank you for being a blessing to me today. ❤
Loved this! I really like thinking of things as “What fresh joy is this?” Thanks for giving me a new and better way of looking at things! And, for the record, I am still in shock that Dollar General closes at 9pm now. NOTHING is open after 9pm and I have a hard time handling that. 🙂
Monty–you always look for joy. Which makes it so easy for me to find it. And I’m still in shock, too. ❤
I love the quote, “Life is better when you’re laughing.” That is so true, Renee! I had an unexpected interruption on Monday when I hurt my knee, as well as last Friday night with my flat tire. I live close enough to work to walk to work, so while my car was waiting for the tire to be put back on, I was able to walk to work and get my exercise in. Then when I hurt my knee on Monday, I was forced to slow down and take care of me. That was in the final stretch of my 11 days of work. See, God had His best for me through those interruptions. Thanks dear friend for writing this blog post! God has used your words once again to help me see His goodness in my life! I love you, my dear friend. ❤️
Melanie–you’re always one to find the silver linings, aren’t you? I like the way you say “God had his best for me.” I know you’ve used those words before in your prayers for me–I think they’re powerful. A different way to say, “Thy will be done.” Thank you for sharing the practical ways you applied that to your life. I appreciate your words as always, sweet friend.
Renee, I guess I do find the silver linings. And I like how you compared “God had he best for me.” With “Thy will be done.” Now that I look it at, it totally fits! Thanks for that! And I want you to look at all the comments people are leaving on here and on the link on Facebook. God is using your writing, my friend. He is speaking to so many people through what you write. God is working through your fingers as you type. This is a tangible way for God to show you your blog is still being used for His glory. Keep it up, sweet friend! ❤️
Thank you for your words. I know how sincere they are. ❤❤❤
You are so welcome Renee! I meant every thing I said! ❤️❤️
Good morning, Sparrow. I enjoyed today’s blog. You know, us humans are a strange, weird breed. Most of us love to make “Mountains out of mole hills”. Yes, there are hurts, memories of our previous ‘screw ups”, maladies ,etc. in our past. But, the last us over,don’t “play it forward”.Be done with it.I can see Monty’s angst, anxiety over the Dollar Storebding closed? I have experienced similar things, we all have. But, once we have “created our mountain out of a mole hill”, “blow it up, laugh”.Move on. But, a lot of us do not. Eh, real life. Once again, I draw on memories of my Mother. “Look for the Silver lining”, “Pack Up your old kit bag, and smile, smile, smile”. Just @ couple of songs from Mom’s songbook. Prayer and sing helped my Mom. Me, very similar, songs steeped in. Y Jukebox Brain, And Simple Prayer. Fear can and does overwhelm, but, we have today, missteps, heavy traffic, etc. But, that is the blessing, we do have today. Really enjoyed this blog today, Sparrow. NeverRead Dorothy Parker, but I feel I can absorb her, through You, and AB. Have a B,Essex Day, Keep On blogging. ❤️TexGen
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TexGen–I’m so happy you liked it. Thank you! You summed it up well–“blow it up, laugh, move on.” I only know one of those songs that your Mom taught you, so I’ll have to look the others up. You always introduce me to new music. I like what you said: “We have today.” One day at a time, we have today. And that really is a blessing. Thank you, my friend, for your support, insight, and encouragement. I so appreciate it. ❤