My deadline for tonight’s blog post is looming. I haven’t planned it. I haven’t even really thought about it. I spent the morning at the doctor’s office and the afternoon feeling sorry for myself. And then I remembered that today is a blog post day. I thought about not doing it. I looked at my side table—there’s not room for my computer anymore there. It’s covered with the supplies of a sick person. I said this to someone, wondering how I would write tonight, and she said, “You shouldn’t. How can you? You’re sick. It’s just a blog, anyway.”
Those words made me angry. Angry enough to sit down at my computer and write a response to that person. As I thought about what to write, I was reminded of another incident that made me angry this week: Monty and I were watching “America’s Got Talent: The Champions.” Susan Boyle was the next contestant. As she stood waiting to sing, the producers played a video of her first performance on “Britain’s Got Talent” from nine years ago.
In the video, Susan is waiting in the wings to perform, talking to the hosts of the show, who are making fun of her in a “she’s probably not bright enough to know it” way. As they talk, a kind of circus music plays, telling the viewers in a not-so-subtle fashion that this woman who has never sung in public but dreams to is a clown for even having such a dream. Then she walks out on the stage, and the three judges ask her some questions. She tells them she’s forty-seven. She tells them she dreams of being a singer. One of the judges, Simon Cowell, rolls his eyes. Then the music begins, and Susan sings “I Dreamed a Dream” from “Les Miserables.” As the judges listen to her sing, they look at each other in shock. They carry this shock over into their comments to her after she finishes singing, telling her that she’s gotten through to the next round. As she walks off stage, Piers Morgan, one of the judges, says, “That’s the most extraordinary shock I’ve ever had.”
Why was it so shocking? Because Susan Boyle wasn’t anyone’s idea of what an aspiring singer should look or act like. She was 47. Quirky. Had lived alone with her mother her whole life. Yet she dared to dream. She dared to stand in front of the world and sing. And that sent shock waves throughout the world. She became an overnight YouTube sensation. The media became obsessed with her. One reporter said that her success was because people always respond to “the fairy tale where the apparently unprepossessing suddenly becomes pretty, from Shrek to My Fair Lady.”
Really? Susan Boyle was Shrek before she sang, and transformed into My Fair Lady afterwards? She looked the same to me. The only difference to me was that I found out she had a beautiful voice. Susan later told the press, “I know what they were thinking, but why should it matter as long as I can sing? It’s not a beauty contest.” But the reaction of the judges, the audience, and the media told the truth: it was a beauty contest. And no one thought Susan had the right to enter that contest, let alone stand on stage and make her voice heard. At the Grammy Awards that year, host Stephen Colbert said to the audience, “You may be the coolest people in the world, but this year, your industry was saved by a 48-year-old Scottish cat lady in sensible shoes.”
I guess you’re not cool if you’re a cat lady in sensible shoes. That made me mad nine years ago, and it made me mad all over again when I saw it on “America’s Got Talent” this week. How dare people say those kinds of things? How dare they decide that a woman of her age and looks and size and hair and accent and cat shouldn’t be able to create something beautiful? My only answer is that there will always be haters. There will always be people who let you out of the box in which they define you—but if you dare to go too far, you’ll encounter resistance. You’ll be reminded of who you’re supposed to be. Someone will say to you, “Whoa, whoa. Rein it in. Remember, you’re a cat lady in sensible shoes.”
That’s what happened to me tonight. A hater told me to remember that I was sick, not capable, and not really making a bit of difference in the world with this little blog. I listened to her. And then I got mad at her just as I had at the people who judged Susan Boyle. I’m not one to name names, but tonight I’m making an exception. My hater’s name is Renee. She’s downright cruel to me, especially when my defenses are down. She tells me I’m an invalid. A bad writer. She reminds me of my past and tells me no one wants to hear from a recovering addict. She tells me to get back in my comfortable little box and stay there.
Tonight, I’m fighting back. These are my words to silence Hater Renee: “Don’t you dare call me an invalid because of a bout of sickness. I will get well, and I will prove to you and to anyone else who doubts me that I am far more capable than you think I am. I’m choosing not to listen to you but to listen instead to the One who created me and gifted me in unique ways. You will not dim the light He put inside of me. But thank you for trying—you’ve turned that little light into a bonfire tonight. Every fiber of my being is burning to prove you wrong. Don’t believe me? Just watch.”
“Just like fire, burning out the way
If I can light the world up for just one day
Watch this madness, colorful charade
No one can be just like me any way.”
P!nk
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Comments 14
Renee I am so sorry you haft to fight these issues but you getting backing at them and getting their face is going to help, the less we give in to them the stronger we become, keep fighting the fight you will win!
♥️♥️♥️Grover
Oh, dear Grover–thank you. I know you’re fighting health battles of your own. You’re so right–the less we give in, the stronger we are. I will keep fighting. Thank you for your encouragement. ❤
I’m so sorry you are struggling with your health. I’m a diagnosed Celiac patient and have many times of challenge with my health. I would love to talk to you if your interested in some things that have changed my life and my health. Just a heart centered person who loves to help others in need. If you want to talk, let me know. I love your post and you are blessed with the gift of words and have a beautiful vibration. Sending you Angels, Love and Healing Light. 💖🌟🙏🏻🌟💖
Nicole–thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I so appreciate them and your kind offer. I hope you have a beautiful day filled with all the things you wished for me.
I’ve been blessed in life where I haven’t had to deal with any chronic illness like asthma or migraines. I hate that you have to fight on a daily basis your own worst enemy. But, I also see on a daily basis your inspiring decision to live life to its fullest in spite of these challenges. And, you are not just surviving but thriving and inspiring others, like myself, to do the same! Love you!
Monty–you are blessed in not having a chronic illness, but you have had to take care of me. And you have never, in all our years together, said one word about how tiring it gets. You just love me. I’m the one who is blessed. And I’m the one who is inspired by you. I say it many times a day but just in case you missed it–thank you.
Good morning Sparrow. You, are fightIng your good fight”. As your Prayer Warriors Do here for you in Texas, you are going to Beat your illness, your self doubts. I know it. In how you describe Susan Boyle, yourself, and others throughout this “Big Blue Marble”, we Call the World, You are showing great Perserverence. In the Book of Revelation,2:2-6, Jesus commended. The Church in Ephesus for show8ng Perserverence. Susan Boyle, an unlikely Singing Star, showed Perserverence. You , Sparrow, show this very same quality. You are Fighting Your Inner Demons, we all do, in some way. Daily. But, like the lyrics in a song, You,We, “pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again”. You, We, May be wounded, but we “fight the gooD fight”, we will be successful. Another powerful Blog Sparrow. Like I write, I never know ha5 yiu will “stir in my Brain”, But “Keep On stirring”, “Keep on Blogging”.❤️TexGen.
TexGen–I’m counting on my prayer warriors in Texas. Thank you for sharing that verse with me. It’s a great reminder today. I do want to be someone who perseveres–someone who, as you said, may be wounded but fights the good fight. Thank you for your encouragement and prayers. And I’m so glad I stirred your brain. 😊
Wow…you just described me. This is what my journey has looked like. I’ve even got the “cat lady in sensible doses” look🐈. I am a bit older than Susan and I don’t sing, but I do fight with the “hater” in my head telling me I won’t succeed. But I will! God has put me here and He is with me! Just like He is with you! Get well, my dear. And keep writing. You ARE a writer! One is my favorites! I’ve you🥰
Lora–I think the tipping point for me was that comment about the cat lady in sensible shoes. I think a person like that is probably very nice and talented and someone I would want to know. 😊 Yes, you will succeed and so will I. Because the haters are wrong–God is bigger than our biggest doubts and fears. Thank you for being on the journey with me. You are such an encouragement to me. Especially in your sensible shoes. So much love to you.
Yes, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. What you did required courage as well as anger, and I congratulate you for it.
Thank you so much, Mary. I’m definitely my own worst enemy. Getting angry does somehow give me courage–I hadn’t realized that until you said it. Thank you for reading my words.
I’m so sorry that you aren’t feeling well today. I was Just about to go punch that “mean girl’s” lights out… saves me some physical combat knowing that the girl(not mean at all, just tired and weakened by illness) is you. I hope That some rest finds it’s way into your body and your head. I love you AND every word that you write on your blog. ♥️♥️♥️
HRH–Thank you for your never-failing loyalty and love. And thank you for lifting me up last night in prayer. I love you, too.