A few weeks ago, I said to Monty, “Well, this is going to be an awful day.” He looked at me and said, “We’ve only been awake for thirty minutes.” I said, “Yes! And in that thirty minutes, I stepped in a hairball and lost my pants. And in forty-five minutes, I have to be ready to leave for another doctor’s appointment.” Monty just shook his head. I thought, Shake your head all you want, Monty. You’ll see. It’s going to be a bad, bad day. And it was. It rained during the whole two-and-a-half hour drive to the doctor’s office. I stepped in a puddle and twisted my ankle. The doctor was running behind. Burger King gave me the wrong drink. My phone battery died. And this was all before noon. When we went to bed that night, I said to Monty, “I told you this was going to be an awful day.” He said, “But it wasn’t.” I started telling him all of the reasons that it was. And as I heard myself talking, the little Dr. Phil in my head said, “Could it be that you made it a bad day because you were determined it was going to be?”
I thought, Thank you, Dr. Phil. You’re free to go to sleep now. But I continued to think about it. And I remembered another term I’d learned from Dr. Phil—confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is a term which means “selective collection of evidence that supports what one already believes while ignoring or rejecting evidence that supports a different conclusion.” (Wikipedia) In other words, if you believe that Bigfoot exists, you’ll confirm it with as many videos, anecdotes, and “sightings” you can find, while ignoring evidence that says there’s no such creature in existence. In my case, I believed I was going to have a bad day and collected evidence all day to prove that I had.
I take confirmation bias to an extreme: I’ll decide that my day is going to be amazing or awful, then I back that assumption up with faulty evidence. When I look back, though, I realize that most of my days are somewhere in between happy and horrible; they’re ordinary. With this realization and Dr. Phil’s ever-present voice in my head, I decided that I was going to get out of bed the next morning and say, “This is going to be a good day.” And I did. I had a good day. I believed I would, so I collected evidence that proved it to be a good day. It wasn’t a spectacular day, with wonderful happenings all day long. And it wasn’t a terrible day, with unfortunate issues and problems cropping up everywhere. It was a good day. An ordinary day.
Two years ago, my mom told the family that she wanted her Christmas present to be a family picture with all of us in it. She also asked us to be cooperative and not complain about it. I’m sorry to say she did not get that part of her present. My sister Heather emailed all of us with the dress code for the picture. She said to dress casually but not sloppily and to use gray as the main color. Poor Heather. She was immediately deluged with emails, calls, and texts from all of us:
“Where does a person draw the line between casual and sloppy?”
“Who put you in charge?”
“I don’t have anything gray. Can we do blue?”
“This whole thing is dumb. I hate family pictures.”
“Can I wear a gray shirt that has Batman on it?”
“I found an old shirt that’s sort of gray but mostly red because of the stripes. Will that work?”
Heather finally said something to the effect of “People! Make it work. THIS IS FOR MOM!” When we saw the finished pictures, we all had to admit that Heather had made the right choice. With all of us dressed in various shades of gray, our clothes weren’t the center of attention. We were: the faces that Mom treasures.
The day we took the pictures was an ordinary day. It wasn’t horrible, though I did get in an argument with my sister, slipped while we were taking pictures, and broke the heel on my shoe. And it wasn’t the best day ever, though I got to spend hours with the people I love most in the world. It was ordinary—as ordinary as our gray clothes. But I am so grateful for that ordinary day. Because we will never again be the same group of people we were that day. Gains, losses, and time will change all of us. And we will someday long for the ordinariness of that day—for all the shades of gray that were captured in our pictures.
The pictures remind me that this is where the beauty of living lies—not in the exceptional moments, but in the ordinary ones, when our surroundings fade to gray, and all we notice are the people in them. In the daily routines of living. The Thursday afternoons. The mornings with skies full of snow that doesn’t fall. The nights with fingernail moons. The fast food lunches. The drives to the doctor. The random texts. The Tuesday night suppers. The spontaneous walks. The laughs and inside jokes. The pizza and movie nights. The dances in the kitchen when the dishes are done.
Today, I woke up and said, “This is going to be a good day.” I spent the morning taking care of Mom’s sweet little dog, Gracie. When I got home, I put on my pajamas, curled up with Seamus, and finished a book. Tonight, Monty and I played Christmas music for the first time this season and worked on a puzzle. My day wasn’t exceptional, and it wasn’t awful. It was good. And I will remember it: when I look back, I’ll be grateful that I took the time to appreciate it. I’ll be reminded again that life is beautiful in the ordinary, gray areas. And thanks to my wonderful though uncooperative family, I’ll always have the pictures to prove it.
This is the day the Lord has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24 (NKJV)
Monty made this video as a Christmas present for Mom two years ago. Some of the family pictures from that day are on it, as well as other moments that Monty knew would be special to Mom.
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Comments 8
Love that picture in gray, you are going to be glad in years to come that you took the time to take that picture. The opportunity for most families to take a family picture doesn’t happen all that often, you are very lucky.
You are right some days are better than others, but as I get older I realize that every day is a gift from God, first prayer every morning as soon as my feet hit the floor is to thank God for this day and that I made it through the night and I am up right and breathing (on some days breathing is a really big deal, Renee I know you understand). It is hard sometimes I try to think positive all day and keep a smile on my face, but it helps my attitude. It doesn’t necessarily make things go better during the day, it makes problem solving a lot easier and things seem to flow easier. At one time I would get upset over everything including road rage and when little things didn’t go right all that rage just makes things a lot worse. It has taken years of hard work, but it has been worth it, life is so much easier now.
Jean and I have had to agree on a couple of rules in our home (after being married 53 years). Politically we are opposed to each other, so rule number one NO political talk ever, rule number two no electronic devices at the dinner table, sounds funny I guess, but it works.
When you step back and think about it every day is special there is no ordinary day, every day is what you make it, if you want want to sleep tell noon or bounce out of at 6 am it is up to you make it work for you, God has given this day to you and the rest is on you.
The family picture that Monty put together is awesome so cool that you can get your family together for a picture like that, beautiful 😄!
Grover–You’re right; I’m so grateful we have these pictures. Yes, some days breathing is a huge deal. There are days when I feel like a success if I’ve made it through the day just because I kept breathing, which I know you understand. I like what you said about years of hard work being worth it. I cling to that hope. Because it IS hard and it IS work. I think it’s beautiful that you and Jean have been married for 53 years–and that you still have rules to make it work. Thank you for this sentence: “God has given this day to you and the rest is on you.” I love that–you summed up everything I wrote just perfectly. My love to you and Jean.
Wonderful post and great message! Thanks for the reminder that life is beautiful not only in the big events of life, but also the ordinary days. I need to work on my confirmation bias more too!
Monty–you’re the one who always, always has good days, because you make them good. I am so grateful for that trait in you. It’s vital to me. ❤
❤️ your post, represents so much truth! Thank you for the reminder of what we choose to focus on becomes the effect. Make it an amazing day!
Thank you, Vicky! I appreciate your words so much–thank you for reading mine.
Hey Sparrow. “Cool subject”, to take a word out of my past. Mom had some songs, to always put a “positive spin”. , on the day, life in general. Oh yes, mornings I get up, Thought spinning around in my brain, “there won’t be enough time to get things done”, etc. But, “Baby steps”, ofpositive, goodthiugts, start creeping into my skull. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go dancing around “throwing flowers”, do things “one at a time”, and “voila”, a good, maybe great day is “coming in to focus”.So, my “little black cloud, slowly disappears. My day goes on, I let my whole world,My Peeps, know there is Love all around. I like to photograph the moment, because tat happy family moment, will disappear, but a photo holds it forever. There is a photo, on our refrigerator, showing Alyssa and Christopher, both are 8 or 9, “squatting” in a Beautiful Bed of Texas Blubonnets, along the highway. That moment, Debbie and I decided to take some “pics”, is there “forever”. Photos of my Pop, my brother and me in real 1940’s is with me on the wall, great, never to be taken away. These simple things bring me joy, smiles. Photos of Debbie on our Honeymoon, the many trips we have taken over the years, brings these mments back, fun,mjoy, with the “Best Young Girl” who entered my life. “She is My Rock of Strength, ……..Another if Mom’s favorite songs, “I’m Sitting OnTop of The World” , I sing today, to myself, and My Peeps. Finally, life dies have it’s trials and tribulations, but, Yiu, me all of s can ‘akways Out our personal ositive soon” on each day. Will close Sparrow. Like I have said, Your Words, Sparrow, Just unlock so many thoughts in me, I was not even thinking of, before reading each of your wonderful Blogs. My description of each blog you write, “Inspirational”. Thank You, Sparrow. ❤️TexGen
TexGen–I love how you focused on music to lift your spirits. I know you have a huge catalog of music in that brain of yours. I also like your positivity–when you tell me it’s been a “glorious” day. Your mental and physical catalog of photos is such a treasure. I need to remember that and capture more moments in pictures. Thank you for always reading my words and for taking the time to write out such thoughtful comments. You have added to this post, for sure.