Monty and I stopped to pick up our mail on our way home last night, and mixed in with the usual bills and junk mail was a package from Monty’s dad. Monty’s dad had said he was sending Monty some CDs, but when Monty opened the box, there was a DVD in it, too. We put it in the DVD player and sat down to watch it. The opening shot was of the stage in the church where our Christian school was located—we performed all of our school musicals and plays there. As the music began, we realized we were watching a video of our fifth grade music program. There was a shot of my mom (our music teacher), getting to her feet to direct us. And then the camera zoomed in on two little kids standing next to each other—Monty and me. Our teachers organized the students alphabetically, so Monty and I sat next to each other in class and at every school function—my last name was Oman and his was Phillips.
We watched, remembering the music, trying to see if we could identify our other classmates. We were both surprised when little Renee got out of her seat and went up to the microphone. I hadn’t remembered that this was the program in which I’d sung a duet with another girl, but I remembered every word of the song, with the chorus being my favorite part:
“I’m somebody
I said somebody
I’m created in the image of God and I’m somebody
I am loved, and I’m His child, I’m important to Him.”
I remembered as we watched how much I had dreading singing that duet. I was painfully shy and couldn’t imagine myself standing in front of a crowd singing. But my mom told me that my shyness would work for me—I was the one in the duet that was being reassured in song by the other girl. The whole idea was horrifying to me, but I did it, and the words of that song became the echo of my soul.
I’d always been different from other kids, but I didn’t really begin to see it until around the time of this program. The differences between me and other kids were obvious. Other kids didn’t get so lost in their thoughts that they were repeatedly asked to pay attention. Other kids didn’t bring the large print version of “Gone with the Wind” to read during the breaks from the SATs in third grade. Other kids didn’t leave in the middle of class and go cry in the bathroom multiple times a day. Other kids didn’t get lost in the hallways we’d walked in for years. Other kids gave “normal” answers when called on in class; they didn’t reference fictional characters or blurt out odd observations. Other kids didn’t bring books and notebooks with them to recess; they played together. I watched and wondered—what was their secret? How did they intuitively know how to belong?
In 7th grade, I told myself it didn’t matter, and I slowly became comfortable with my differences. But I was still so sensitive, so easily torn to shreds by cruel words. And I was terribly lonely. I clung to those words that I’d sung—“I’m somebody. . . I am loved, and I’m His child; I’m important to Him.” I knew that to be true, and I knew that someday God would show me a place where I belonged, in the world that felt so big, confusing, and chaotic to me. I didn’t know that finding that place would include profound loss, nearly unbearable physical and psychic pain, seasons of suicidal depression and paralyzing anxiety, and years of addiction. I also didn’t know it would include Monty.
Monty was the next surprise on the DVD. Neither of us had remembered that he, too, had a solo in the program. But there he was–little Monty singing with two other boys, with a shy smile on his face that seemed to ask for acceptance. The words to the chorus of his song were as apropos for him as mine had been for me:
“I just can’t keep it to myself
I’ll pass it on to you.”
That’s my Monty. He cannot keep his joy to himself, and he passes it on to everyone he meets. He still has the shy manner he did then, the constant smile, and the visible pride when he accomplishes something. He still sings in Mom’s choir and on the worship team. When I watch him singing, putting his heart and soul into every word he sings, I thank God that Monty is my husband. God knew that I needed a man like Monty—a man who actually enjoys the qualities that make me different and lets me be exactly who God made me to be. In beautiful and difficult times, Monty keeps passing his joy and love on to me.
During the last song in the program, there’s a moment when Monty and I look at each other. We paused the DVD at that moment, smiling at our little selves looking at each other. I was overwhelmed by the grace and goodness of God: those two little kids, both needy in their own ways, were so loved by God that He gave both of us exactly what we needed—He gave me a safe place to belong with Monty; He gave Monty complete acceptance from me. Eleven years after that program, Monty and I got married on that same stage in that same sanctuary.
Monty took my hand as we watched the last song of the program, “Love Never Gives Up.” I realized that the simple words we were singing had become the testimony of our 28-year relationship. And I am so grateful—grateful for the way God created us to help fill the holes in each other’s hearts. Grateful for the gift of having such history together. And grateful, most of all, for the contentment, joy, and love we fought so hard for—the love to have and to hold—the love that never ever gives up.
“Love never gives up
Love never lets down
Love keeps on trying
Through smiles and frowns
Love never says die even when it gets tough
True love just never gives up.”
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Comments 12
Sooooooo fun to watch and listen to. Gods love endures!!! It’s so neat to see it enduring between you and Monty. 💕
Did you know you’re the one playing the piano? Pretty amazing! And it was so much fun to listen to and watch. You’re right–God’s love endures. He never gives up, either. ❤
This is seriously gold!!!
Thank you–there was so much more on the DVD, too. Heather is the one playing the piano while we sing, Adam’s class comes onstage for a minute to sing, and there’s a brief interlude where Monty is playing the trombone and I’m playing the flute in a very small band. Neither of us remembers doing that. Thank you for reading and watching. 😉
Renee what a beautiful story how God has brought you and Monty together and kept you two together. How forniture you two are to have each other to lean on. I amazed you and Monty grew up together and have been together for so long, wow. The way God works in our lives is amazing you and Monty knowing reach other for so long, Jean and I meet each other in September and got married in the following April, love and God work in strange ways that’s for sure.
All those moments you mentioned growing up, what awesome memories you two have together, you are very forniture, you and Monty are very blessed.
God has really watched over you both.
Love,
Grover
Thank you, Grover–I often forget what a rare gift it is for Monty and I to have known each other for so long. The DVD was a great reminder of, as you said, the amazing way God works in our lives. Today is the 23rd anniversary of our engagement, and I just keep marveling at the goodness of God. You and Jean had a much shorter courtship than ours and are still committed to loving each other–you’re one of those couples that Monty and I look up to and admire. Thank you for that and for your thoughtful comment. My love to you.
Wonderful blog Renee!! Thank you for sharing your heart with us 💕
Oh, thank you so much, Jeanette! This one was definitely an overflow from my heart. God is so good!
This was such a fun post! It was so much fun watching this together and being transported back in time. It’s so cool to see how God worked back then and now. Thanks for starting my day off with a smile and a feeling of happiness and thankfulness! I love you!
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Monty–yep! A journey back in time, with God’s hand visible in every step. Thank you for taking this journey with me even though at times my “oddness” must have been quite difficult to handle. Case in point–“You’re a COP!!!”
Good morning Sparrow. Well “right off the bat”, your title, “Sentimental Journey”, “clicked my musical brain on”.I remember Doris Day, who is still alive and well, living in Beautuful Carmel, California, she recorded this song, mid 1960’s, a smooth, beautiful ballad, Then, I “fast forward” to about 3 years ago, I sang a duet with Ken, with my Obe A Chord singing group, a little “soft shoe” thrown in. Enough of me, You Sparrow My “Professor of Blog”, from the Heart always. You are amazing. In looking at your childhood performances,n video, great memories. Mixed in with your painful, childhood experience, of your feeling different. Again, Sparrow, you expose your Heart and Soul to us. By the way, your “perirjance” was “ spot on”.Monty, like me, likes toexpresss his joy, vocally. He and I hold “nothing back”. Monty and I have that, “ Joy,Joy,Joy” down in our hearts. Back in my school days, all my parents had were “Briwnie Box Camera”, to take photos, But, these “still shots” wonderful to look and remember. Sparrow you have come a long way in your “recovery process”, and each step you take, we, your readers, marvel at , and applaud your every step. Sparrow, You’re definitely,”Somebody”, your insights for me, I treasure. Yiu, I, have learned that God does love us, in spite of our “mistakes, warts,etc”.I will close saying, “kudos” to you,Sparrow. You do go to the”beat of a different drummer”, But, that is a Beautiful Thing. Keep on Blogging”. ❤️TexGen
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Harold–oh, I do love Doris Day but didn’t know she sang this song. I’ll have to look it up. I’m so happy you enjoyed the videos. You and Monty do have that “joy, joy, joy, joy down in your hearts.” (Where? 😊) I’m sure you express it like Monty does. I like what you said, that God loves us, mistakes, warts, and all. Even those of us who march to the beat of a different drummer. Thank you for such uplifting, encouraging words. I know every one is from your heart. ❤