About two months before Monty and I got married, Monty went to Peoria, Illinois for an interview. One night when he was gone and Mom and Adam were out, Dad suggested that he and I order a pizza and watch “The Wizard of Oz.” Dad and I share a special love for that movie. We’ve seen it together countless times, so we know all the lines and lyrics. That night, we settled in, got ready to start the movie, and Dad said, “Probably the last time we’ll get to do this.” I looked at him, puzzled, and he said, “Whether it’s Peoria or somewhere else, you won’t be here.” After Dad made that comment, reality hit me in the face.
Dr. Phil often asks his guests, “What are you pretending not to know?” At that time in my life, I was pretending not to know that in two short months I’d be moving out of my parents’ house and most probably to a different state. Instead of facing reality, I was dreaming about the upcoming fairytale of being married to Monty. I was 21, about to graduate from college, and I had never been away from home without my parents, except for a short road trip that Monty and I took to Nebraska.
I ask myself “What are you pretending not to know?” quite often because I’m still the dreamer I was back then—the avoider of reality. I managed to pretend not to know that I was addicted to painkillers for almost a year. By the time I came to terms with reality, I was so addicted that it took me nine more years to get clean and sober. When I finally did get sober, I felt like Dorothy walking out of her sepia-colored world into the Technicolor world of Munchkin Land. I didn’t remember the world ever being so bright and full of vivid beauty. I also didn’t know where to go from there—I kept thinking, I’m sober. Now what? Just as the Munchkins helped Dorothy by telling her to “Follow the yellow brick road,” my friends in recovery helped me to navigate the strange new world of sobriety by teaching me the steps to follow on the path to living life in recovery. I mistakenly thought my journey would be easy once I knew those steps. Dorothy, too, thought her journey would be easy—she thought she’d just skip her way straight into the Emerald City.
Been there. Done that. I map out steps to follow and set off down the path to a new goal or continued sobriety with my heart full of optimism. And just when I think, “I’ve got this,” I encounter temptation and resistance. Discouragement tempts me to quit; hopelessness tells me there’s no point in trying; the memory of feeling numb seduces me. My enemy doesn’t want me to succeed at my goals any more than the Wicked Witch wanted to befriend Dorothy and adopt Toto. But God always gives me a way out of temptation, and with every obstacle we overcome together, I get stronger—strong enough to say to my enemy what Glinda said to the Wicked Witch: “You have no power here. Be gone.”
Lately, I’ve been feeling stuck in a rut, so I got out my journal and gave myself a reality check. I wrote, “What am I pretending not to know?” then wrote down the first answer that popped into my head: “I’m pretending not to know that I’m capable of far more than I’m actually doing.” I can write more. I can try more. I can love more. Looking at that truth gives me a goal and helps me to map out the steps I need to take to get to that goal of More. Your goal—your Emerald City shimmering off in the distance—is undoubtedly different than mine. But your journey to that goal will probably start like mine, with a reality check: What are you pretending not to know? Are you choosing blissful ignorance when facing reality could change your life? Muster your wits and stare the truth in the face; once you do, you’ll be ready for a journey that will lead you to a changed life. This is the formula I follow when I see the need for change, borrowed from “The Wizard of Oz:”
Face reality. (Dorothy realized she had to get Toto away from the clutches of Miss Gulch.)
Choose to change. (She decided to run away.)
Define your goal, then map out small, doable steps to take to get there. I like to write down three steps I can take every day that will move me down the path to my goal. (Dorothy’s goal was to get to the Emerald City and see the Wizard, who she believed would help her get home.)
Ask for support in reaching your goal. (Dorothy’s support group was the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, and Toto, too.)
Expect resistance, temptation, and roadblocks. If you fail, (and you will), don’t get discouraged and quit. Remember why you started. And remember that the journey is about progress, not perfection. As long as you keep moving down the right path, you’re getting closer and closer to achieving your goal. (Dorothy faced a Wicked Witch, tempting poppies, and flying monkeys. But she kept going, always thinking about being “home in time for dinner.”)
When you need guidance, turn to the great and powerful God, not a poor, earthly imitation. (Dorothy could have saved herself quite a bit of trouble had she done this instead of wasting time trusting the “man behind the curtain.”)
As God brings about the changes you prayed for, take the time to be grateful. (When Dorothy wakes up in Kansas, she says, “Toto, we're home. Home! And this is my room, and you're all here. And I'm not gonna leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all, and—oh, Auntie Em—there's no place like home!”)
This formula, when I’ve been willing to fight my way through it, has led me to lasting sobriety, a life I love, and an ever-deepening trust in my great and powerful Savior. It’s also led me home—not to Peoria, but to this little town where Mom and Dad live right down the street, which is wonderful in case I ever want to watch “The Wizard of Oz” with Dad. Or need a reality check, which Dad is always more than happy to provide. I tend to need that, because I’ll forever be a dreamer like Dorothy. On the outside, I may be working towards new goals. But on the inside, there will always be a version of me leaning against a haystack, singing, “If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh why can't I?”
Temptation, Overcoming, and Triumph:
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Comments 8
Another great post Renee. I am going to need to confess, I am one of the few people in the U.S. that has not seen the Wizard of Oz, really I have never seen it, guess I must really must had a led a sheltered life.
It is interesting the quote from Dr. Phil “what are pretending not to know”, how many things of real importance do we put off in our lives. I don’t mean little stuff I am talking big stuff like addiction to drugs, over eating ( just lost a good friend to heart problems and overweight ), I know this sounds dumb but I think sugar is a poison and it kills I watch my friend die from all the side affects ). My friend tried all the programs to get things under but could not fine the strength to make them work, he was a strong believer in Jesus which makes his passing a little easier.
Renee you are so lucky that you found recovery, I bet you put off getting started in recovery prentending the option wasn’t there. Pretending you don’t know is such is a terrible human weakness, we all do it, from “I mow the yard tomorrow, prentending the lawn isn’t there, or the signs that you have a sign of cancer “ I will check with the doctor later”. We all have a have a bucket full of things that we are pretending not to know, such a terrible human weakness.
I really it takes prayer, a plan and a kick in the butt from God to get us moving on what is really, really important in our lives.
Grover–I’m shocked that you haven’t seen “The Wizard of Oz!” I didn’t know that was possible to be American and not have seen it. 😊 I agree with you about overeating and definitely agree with you that sugar is an addictive poison. I’m so sorry about the loss of your friend. I am so grateful to have found recovery–and yes, you’re right, I pretended not to know that it was available or even doable. Your last sentence is the perfect summation of my post. Love to you–and thank you for being a test subject regarding comments. 😉
Hi Renee, I loved how you used the movie to write your blog, even if this movie never made any impact on me. I only saw the ” Wizard of Oz” once I believe, most likely through my children and I could not relate to it? I have never done well with anything ” fantasy ” related. There are parts of childhood that I somehow never got to experience, same as in my teenage years. Counseling brought this to the surface and this post reminded me of many things I never experienced, including anything fantasy related.
Perhaps this is why I always did so much with my children and now my grandchildren to create a fun and magical world with and for them in so many ways.
I can relate however to the statement “What are you pretending not to know”, even as I know what it is and changes are needed in this area and the formula you wrote out would be hugely helpful. It is not necessarily that I pretend, but that I won’t confront it–hiding from it if you will.
I shall write down the steps of your formula and see if I can step forward with it in mind and see where it leads me.
Thank you for the encouragement within this post!
Klara–I truly thought almost every kid grew up with this movie, but that’s a very American view, I suppose. I very much understand not wanting to confront an issue in your life–creative avoidance is very familiar to me. You have taught me so much about confronting things head on–it requires courage that I so often lack. Which is why I need steps! Thank you for your comment. Love to you.
Good Morning Sparrow. You have laid out an excellent formula, for all of us to follow. A brief note on the movie, Wizard of Oz. I remember the first time it was aired on TV. We didn’t have a TV, So Mom and Dad packed us up, we drive from Valley Stream,LI, to the Bushwicjbsection section kfBrooklyn,NY, to mybUnclexGeirge and Aunt Dottie’s apartment. They had the TV. We all huddled around it, a total of 9 of of us and watched it.I was fascinated by it, we all loved it. This movie, a great example of of pretending, the avoidance of reality. The steps you personally mapped out, excellentsteps. Not only takes determination on the individuals part, Also Belief it will work. Facing the truth, a key step #1, in my life also. Saying to one’s self, “look Harold, Yiu need to quit this activity, Practise, habit, whatever it might be. Define,set your goals , din’t Assume you can take first step, then “Voila”, here I am at the last step. Nope, does not work that way. If your steps get wobbly, shaky ,weak, ask for support. This support can come in many firms, people, etc. Hiwever, The Giant Step, “leap of faith”: turn towards God. For me, it really was afireign experience, truly praying and asking for God’s Help. For me, it came slowly. But, as is my general make up, I stay the course, God dies not work instantly, but, God will give us small, maybe subtle change will start to happen. As in your case, Renee, “roadblocks” can appear. But, change will happen. Change for you, me, all who ask God for help will arrive. We will begin to see the real Beauty of God, of life. The final step, always have time to say to God, “Thank You, God”. God us Great. In closing, Sparrow, I kind idknkw the roadmap and dates of your Blogs. Never have an idea what they will be, But, when I read, then write my notes,You really open my mind to things, words, I had no clue I would be writing. That, I feel, is the gift you are giving me, to really express these thoughts. Great blog, thank you Soarrow, Keep on Blogging.
Harold, I loved the picture you painted of watching the movie with your family. What a special memory! This journey comes slowly for me, too, as you said–but staying the course is probably the most important part. And the hardest, at least for me. Thank you for such a high compliment, that I’m helping you to express your thoughts. As a writer, that’s such a joy to hear because I believe expressing the thoughts we don’t even know we have until we write them down is so important to our well-being. Thank you for being such a faithful reader and friend.
Another wonderful post, Renee! I like the practical steps you give as I can relate to them. I have some things I know I can use these steps for!
Thank you, Monty–for the comment and for all of the work you’re doing to keep this website going. ❤