In this last month of being sick, I have read many, many books and watched countless hours of TV. When I’m sick, I like to watch reruns of my favorite shows—they’re comfort food for my soul. These are the three best quotes I heard in those reruns:
“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.” – Dwight Schrute, “The Office” I wish I had asked myself Dwight’s question at many points in my life. Unfortunately, I didn’t, and I have indeed done some truly idiotic things. Here’s a very small sample of those, starting from the age of about 8 to four nights ago:
- Playing Candyland with my short-tempered, cutthroat brother Adam.
- Jumping on a pogo stick because Adam told me to. (I fell, hit my head on a brick, and had to get 84 stitches.)
- Trying to ride over a curb on my bike. (I broke my arm)
- Asking one of my sisters what she thought of my new outfit. (Her response: “It depends. Are you trying to look like PeeWee Herman?”)
- Asking Mom to cut my bangs and give me a perm the night before school pictures.
- Asking Dad to teach me to play basketball so I could make the team. (My only lesson went like this: “Renee, the object of the game is not to fade into the background, hoping no one will pass you the ball. Wait—what are you doing? I don’t know what that is, but it’s not dribbling.”)
- Telling Adam he could throw Monty a bachelor party.
- Paging Monty at work because there was a bat in our condo. (It turned out to be a bee, not a bat. Which, to me, was actually worse—but apparently not enough of an “emergency” to page Monty at work.)
- Trying to cope with pain and depression without professional help.
- Ignoring my instincts and taking the first drug a neurologist prescribed.
- Taking my first drink.
- Waiting so long to get clean and sober because I was scared of a life without crutches.
- Watching the stars while Monty and I were on a walk rather than watching where I was going. (I fell in a pothole and broke my ankle. I ended up on crutches.)
- Wearing flip flops. (I slipped out of one, tripped over the other, and fell down the stairs, breaking my ankle for the second time.)
- Making a bet with Monty on the McGregor vs. Nurmagomedov fight.
- Letting our 22-pound cat Seamus lay on my chest during a breathing treatment for my allergies and asthma.
- Paying $20 to watch “The Unauthorized Story of Melrose Place.”
“Edith, you done good! Your heart was in the right place. But your brain was out to lunch.” – Archie Bunker, “All in the Family.” I’m like Edith in many situations (see above list). And I was definitely like Edith in an incident that took place about a year ago. Through a series of strange events, I met a man who had recently been released from prison after serving a long sentence. I knew this but believed him when he said he was a changed man who just needed a friend. When he asked for my phone number, I gave it to him.
When I was only a block away from where I’d just spoken with him, he called. And he called me nine more times that night. At three a.m. the next morning, my phone rang. I saw the man’s number on the caller ID and felt my stomach drop. For the next two hours, he called every two or three minutes, leaving message after message, telling me in increasingly nasty terms to answer my phone. I listened to the messages, mostly because I felt like it was a way to sort of keep tabs on his mental state. Monty blocked him that morning; the man couldn’t text anymore, but he could still leave messages. On the morning of Thanksgiving, the calls began at two a.m. I can still hear his voice on the recording, almost hissing at me as he said, “You need to answer me. I’m not a toy for you to play around with. Stop playing games with me or I’ll start playing games with you.” That message was the last straw for Monty. He took my phone with its hundreds of messages and went to the police, who said it constituted harassment. The man was warned to leave me alone, and he finally did. He’s since been arrested for a different crime and is in jail again.
I felt so stupid for having given the man my phone number. But Monty never made me feel that way. He was angry at the man, not me. In almost the same words that Archie spoke to Edith, Monty said he understood that my heart was in the right place but that my common sense may have taken a short vacation. Monty loves me enough to tell me when my choices aren’t very smart, but he always says it in a gentle, kind way. Just as he sees the silver lining in every situation, he sees the silver lining in me—even when my brain is “out to lunch.”
“Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I’d run around naked.” – Sophia Petrillo, “The Golden Girls.” Since the day I got sober, I’ve worked to see my world through the lens of gratitude—I try to find blessings in the smallest moments. But my greatest blessings are the obvious, undisguised ones. They’re so present with me that I sometimes forget to see them as blessings. Blessings like Monty and our little cat family who fill my daily life with beauty and love. Blessings like healing from a sickness which turned out to have a silver lining—TV that provided me with comfort, lessons, and the fresh realization of how very blessed and loved I am. Even when I fail Dwight’s idiot test.
The best comfort food there is:
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Comments 12
Hi Renee, Another great post, I have always thought we all have a little switch in our heads that sometimes turns off our common sense and we have our moments “why did I do that”, and when look back it is funny, like breaking your ankle isn’t funny at the time, but you look back why did I that, common sense switch was off and we all think we can do anything we want when that switch is off.
I see you like All In The Family, great show. I worked with a man who was a split image of Archie, we all called him Arch, but sometimes when things got messed up he always had the perfect comment to bring things back to normal.
Not into network TV much, but I do like Wednesday nights on NBC Chicago Fire and all.
Here is hoping you get better SOON!
Grover
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Grover–I love that idea of a little switch in our heads that turns our common sense off and on. I think I flip that switch way too much! You’re right–when I look back, those situations are funny. I do love “All in the Family.” Archie and the Meathead’s clashes always make me laugh–and it’s all still so relevant. I like how Archie, like your former coworker, always has just the right comment at the right time. ❤
Oh my, one of my sisters was what I call ” accident prone”. It was never her fault though, she always found a way to explain it away? You remind me of her in all the accidentals–same sister who broke her foot again 2 years ago–always trying to come down the stairs?? She manages to miss the last step?? That or a tree crossed the road and her car accidentally hit it–that or a post behind her car that was never there before? I remember us biking and she did not see a fruit stall and landed on the fruit–not to forget the curb side where there is a decline for bikes to go over that had some how shifted to another spot and she flew of her bike into someone’s garden?
I would have loved to see the bangs and the perm though??
Thanks for making me smile today .
Don’t know how to do favourite re-runs of shows but I used to love “I love Lucy”, ” The golden Girls” and ” Little House on the Prairie”.
Klara–yes, I would definitely do all of the things your sister did. The fruit stand made me laugh, just picturing the scene. I’m on your sister’s side–it’s amazing how posts that were never there before suddenly appear out of nowhere, or a curb is in a different place, or there’s all of a sudden an extra stair. I think Monty must secretly move our furniture around just to mess with me. ? Trust me, you wouldn’t have wanted to see that perm and bangs. It was the beginning of an awkward stage that lasted about twelve years. Love your TV choices!
A couple of years ago, early one Saturday morning I was out running, and the sunrise was beautiful, pink and gold all across the sky. I watched it instead of my feet and tripped over a raised place in the sidewalk and fell flat, hard, on my face. I broke my glasses and when I dazedly sat up, realized there was blood running down my chin. Nothing was broken, just badly bruised. It took a while for my face not to call forth comments like “What in the world happened to you?” but the sunrise was worth it. Aunt Gail
Aunt Gail–oh, wow, we must be related. ? I said it was worth it, too, when I fell because I was looking at the stars! It’s difficult to explain when someone says, “What happened?” And you have to say, “Uh, I was looking at the sunrise. ” Or “It was a beautiful starry night.” I’m so sorry that you fell so badly. But glad you got to see the beautiful sunrise. Love to you.
Love this post! You never cease to amaze me how you can take a reader through a range of emotions. You are so good at comedic timing and delivery in your writing. Some of my tv shows that give me comfort: America’s Funniest Home Videos, Battlebots, Deadliest Catch, and Live PD.
Monty–that means so very much to me. I agree with you about AFV . Your other choices are just so YOU and I love them. Thanks for “playing.”
I really enjoy your blog. Thank you for your openness and honesty. You are a blessing to many!!God bless!!
Thank you so much, Jeannette! I appreciate your encouragement so very much.
Good morning, Sparrow. Great subject, comfort food. I, like You, as you know, Enjoy reruns on TV. In this stage of my life, Seinfeld, might be my number one. Through the years, John Wayne Westerns,The Three Stooges, May be my top 5. Oh, I can’t forget Lucy. Watched the whole batch,in recent months.Actvuties,as a youngster, up to age 10, I would devise Indoor Baseball, miniature style, on the floor of my bedroom, with marbles. I would have to be careful not to “sacka Homerun off of my bedroom window,Mom would not be thrilled at all. Backyard games, football, basketball, one on one with my brother David, always fun. Mostly a challenge.A lot of times in my life, asa teen and adult, I skipped the ,”Think it through” process, sometimes with, most times, with negative result or consequence. Your mention of the word, grateful and gratitude, a couple of words I would hear, quite often from My Mother, during stages of life, even as an adult. Most times, I would ‘blow ties wirds off”, but lately, I understand the full meaning, Yesterday, fir example after a week of battling a persistent cold, I went back to see “my peeps” at Sunrise, What a Joy, one and a half hours of chatting singing some dance, I was uplifted. These are Blessings I get in unexpected places, and times. I have finally figured it out. This was another of your wonderful blogs,Sparrow. Yiu are “back in yiur writing saddle, Keep on Blogging.❤️TexGen. , .
Author
Good morning, TexGen! I know you love Seinfeld and John Wayne westerns. I’ve never seen an episode of “The Three Stooges.” I loved your description of indoor baseball; I can see Adam doing that. I like the way you worded this: “I skipped the ‘think it through” process.” I have done that many times, as you read today! I can feel the joy in your heart as you were able to get back to doing what you love. A blessing indeed. Thank you for the encouragement and for always letting me know what you think.