I saw some kids playing outside last night. I watched them gather in the street, then scatter, and from the occasional shrieks and laughter that followed, I figured they must be playing hide-and-seek. I remember playing that with my brother, sisters, and other neighbor kids on summer nights when we were little. We played hide-and-seek, red light/green light, and Simon Says.
For hide-and-seek, one of us would stand in the street, cover our eyes, and count to one hundred, then yell, “Ready or not, here I come!” and go find the others. This was my least favorite game because I was afraid to hide by myself, especially as it got dark. I liked red light/green light better because we all stayed together. One of us (almost always my oldest sister) would be the “traffic cop” while the rest of us waited at the starting line. When the “cop” turned their back to us and said, “Green light!” we ran towards the finish line—until the “cop” turned around and said “Red light!” and we had to stop in our tracks. And then there was Simon Says. Again, my oldest sister would give the commands: “Simon says take three steps.” So we did. Then she’d say, “Take another step.” If any of us did, she delighted in hollering, “You’re out! I didn’t say, Simon Says!”
Those games we played as children actually taught me some profound life lessons. It just took me a very long time to learn them. I spent years playing hide-and-seek with God while I was immersed in addiction. I’d hear Him calling to me, saying, “Ready or not, here I come.” And that terrified me because I never felt ready. I felt like I was too damaged and sick for God to want me anymore. And I was so ashamed of who I’d become and how I was wasting the life He’d given me that I tried to hide from Him. But as intent as I was on hiding from Him, God was just as intent in seeking me. Jesus tells this parable in Luke 15:
“Once, there was a shepherd with a hundred lambs, but one of his lambs wandered away and was lost. So the shepherd left the ninety-nine lambs out in the open field and searched in the wilderness for that one lost lamb. He didn’t stop until he finally found it. With exuberant joy he raised it up and placed it on his shoulders, carrying it back with cheerful delight! Returning home, he called all his friends and neighbors together and said, ‘Let’s have a party! Come and celebrate with me the return of my lost lamb. It wandered away, but I found it and brought it home.’”
I studied that parable in depth when I was newly sober. I discovered that when one sheep wanders away from the rest of the flock, the shepherd has to go find it and bring it back to the safety of the flock. Contrary to some stories, the shepherd doesn’t break one of that sheep’s legs to keep it from wandering away again. But if the same sheep wanders off into a possibly dangerous area more than once, it’s more likely to get hurt—and in sheep, a broken leg is a common injury. The shepherd has to bind the broken limb, then carry the sheep home on his shoulders. A broken leg forces the sheep to stay right next to the shepherd until the leg heals. If the sheep is uninjured, the shepherd will use his rod and staff to keep the sheep close to him—not through punishment but through gentle redirection. The sheep learns about the necessity of depending on its shepherd for every need and staying within the safety of the boundaries the shepherd sets up. The sheep also learns to respond to the sound of its shepherd’s voice.
I was that sheep. I had left the safety of the boundaries that God had put in place for me. I had wandered away from Him repeatedly until I thought I was too lost to ever find my way back to Him. It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t have to find my way back—because Jesus left all of His other sheep to come find me. And like the sheep who wanders away again and again, I was broken and so weary from fighting for my survival that I needed Jesus to bind my wounds and carry me back to where I belonged—to the place where healing could begin—right at His side, depending on Him for every single need and learning to trust His voice.
I would never have wandered so far off track had I just followed the simple rules of red light/green light. About six months after I started taking painkillers, I knew God was telling me to stop. I could see the red light flashing in my mind. Instead of heeding the warning, I put up my own green light and ran straight into the arms of my new best friend: addiction. And I didn’t do that just once; I did it again and again. Ten years went by before I finally stopped at the red light. I stayed there for a while in the first months of recovery until I was certain that God was giving me the green light to take the next steps. I’m learning now to wait until I know what God wants me to do, and then run towards that. I’m also much more aware of the red lights that God gives me to stop me from running to the wrong people, places, or substances.
Of all the games we played as kids, I was the worst at Simon Says. I could not for the life of me remember that I was only supposed to do something if “Simon” said to do it. And clearly, I didn’t learn that lesson as a child. As an adult, I should have been listening to one voice and one voice only—God’s. And if His voice wasn’t telling me what to do, then I shouldn’t have done it. Yet I did. Again and again, I listened to the wrong voices—the voices of doctors, of people whose approval I craved, even my own misguided, deluded voice. I got quite good at telling myself that these other voices were reliable sources of advice. If they had been, I wouldn’t have ended up in a fight for my life—a fight I began to lose as I replaced all of those voices with just one—the drugs and alcohol that called my name louder than anyone else did. It took me about two years in recovery to figure out the beautiful simplicity of moving forward: listen only to God’s voice. If He tells you to move, move. If He doesn’t, don’t.
Three simple games with three profound lessons. And they’re all here, in one of my favorite passages of Scripture:
With all my heart I seek Your favor; pour out Your grace on me as you promised! [Hide and seek]
When I realize that I’m going astray, I turn back to obey Your instructions. [Red light/green light]
I give my all to follow your revelation-light; I will not delay to obey. [Simon Says]
– Psalm 119:58-60 (TPT)
Your life story isn’t the same as mine. But I’d be willing to bet that some of the games you played as a child taught you some profound lessons, too. I think God plants those seeds in our young, impressionable minds so that we never forget those lessons—even if we do take decades to truly learn them. The good news? You’re never too old, too broken, too damaged, or too lost to learn them. Even better news? God still wants you. Whether you knew Him as a child and wandered away, or you want to meet Him for the first time, He’s seeking you, his precious lost sheep. Let Him find you. Follow His lead. And listen to His voice only. There’s a green light flashing for you. You can run straight into His arms. Or, if you’re broken and weary, let Him tend to your wounds and carry you on his shoulders, all the way home.
I will walk with You in complete freedom,
for I seek to follow Your every command.
Psalm 119:45
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Comments 12
You did it again, got me thinking back about the impression you pick up as a child and some of those lesson carryed into adult life. I didn’t get to play other kids tell grade school their just wasn’t that many kids in the neighborhood, but when I got to grade school I hard to learn how to play with other kids, how there is a winner and looser in games and sports and my biggest battle was being bullied about my name. I took the bulling for along time not standing up for my self and being afraid, kids can be so curle sometimes. I got real depressed over this and told my folks my mom just shrugged it off, dads reaction was different, I was showen how to stand up for myself and I was told he would stand up for me. Long and short of this I spent a lot of time in the principals office, the principal told me this fighting had to stop and I finally had the courage to tell her the fighting stops when the bulling stops, to this day I know we’re that courage came from, it was from Jesus was watching over me saying stand up for yourself don’t be afraid. The bulling did stop and I learned to be friendly and to get along with everyone and not to argue or fight. I know this seems sort of a odd story but it’s how I had to learn life’s lessons, and being an only child wasn’t all that neat. But I know to this day Jesus doesn’t want anyone to be builled and sometimes turning the other check doesn’t work tell the people invloled learn to respect each other, you like they say “you haft to give respect to get respect” . I don’t know how you do it you turn out another thought provoking post, thank you!
Grover
Oh, Grover–I hate for you that you were bullied for your name (which I happen to think is a special and distinguished name). I do remember that along with the games we played as children, there was always an element of bullying. For me it was Red Rover because I was small and got knocked flat pretty easily. And those things stay with us and still hurt all these years later; as you said, kids can be so cruel. But you still learned valuable lessons about standing up for yourself–with Jesus as your back up. Thank you for such an insightful comment. You are so kind and supportive, and I appreciate you so much.
I love how you always connect the dots in a variety of ways. You have a way to pick up on an idea, a thought, an experience and connect it to your past life, your today life and knit it together in a most profound way. Thank for always making my heart leap and be able to say a resounding “YES”, I get this, I understand and yes, I agree!
No, I never played those games when I was young, I preferred reading books, hiding away without interference in my own unusual ways. But I do know how to connect dots and have done so when I wrote 40 days of Advent messages on a daily basis, relating events to how God speaks to us in the midst of it, how utterly amazing He can be in the midst of ordinary life and because of it.
Loved the analogy of the lost sheep, especially in light of the fact that often the Shepherd carries the sheep back to His flock on His shoulders because the poor sheep got hurt while running away–and no–the rod was never used as harming the sheep, only to guide them back to the flock, to keep them safe and close to the Shepherd.
There are those who preach ” to not spare the rod”, as in corporal punishment, how wrong and misguided they are, poor souls, all of them. I read a whole book on it and I am sad I no longer have it or know it’s author! The image of the good Shepherd and his rod is always to just guide–never to punish, a way to bring His sheep to a safe place for them.
Indeed, we are never to broken, too hurt and or too lost for God to redeem us, for Him to smile down upon us and to seek us out, to rescue us and to lovingly guide us back to His fold. How utterly amazing and awesome to know this kind of gently Shepherd.
I love the song you chose for this post–no matter what you have done wrong, no matter what you have done right, for you who has been fighting so long–YOU belong in my ARMS!
Lord I DO want to be in YOUR arms of ultimate love, YOU are the only ONE to sooth all of me and heal me!
Klara–thank you for such a beautiful comment. I have studied the parable of the lost sheep and love it–but you were the one who first told me about the rod and the staff, as talked about in Psalm 23, that they weren’t for punishment but for guiding the sheep into safety. That added a whole new dimension to the parable for me. He’s a loving shepherd–not a punishing tyrant. I love your last sentence–I want that, too. Thank you for taking the time to comment and once again add so much to my post. Love to you.
More beautiful, truthful words. I love reading YOU!!
Thank you, my Frister. You make my heart happy.
Beautiful and inspiring as usual!
Thank you, my Monty. You inspire me endlessly.
It is amazing how so many of us who have fought addiction experience the same feelings through our addiction and in recovery. I too hid from God and didn’t want Him to find me because I felt I was not worthy of His love. I felt I couldn’t be rescued from the dark place I put myself in when I turned to drugs/alcohol to numb the pain and stress of life.
I have learned that even though I wandered so far from Him, He never left me. He never stopped loving me, lost though I was. I am learning that I don’t have to shoulder every burden. I can lay them down and let them go because He is (and always was) by my side always to tend to my wounds and worries.
Tomorrow I will be 9 months clean and sober.
Thank you again Renee for your strength and for sharing your story.
Jennifer–This is why I love recovery. Hearing the stories of others like us who have experienced the same thing. I never really felt like anyone understood me or felt the things I did until I found so many others like me in recovery. I love what you said about not having to shoulder every burden and laying them down at God’s feet. I am beyond proud of you and excited for you–9 months!!! If you didn’t get a nine month coin, let me know. I would like to give you one. (you can just email me at Poetic Blessings or message me on Facebook.)
Good morning Sparrow. Your Arrow, in your case, Your Pen, has hit another “Bullseye” , with me. Boy oh Boy, I too remember those fun games, with neighborhood kids, played in our block, after dinner. Could not eat my dinner fast enough, so I could go out and “play”.There were “lots of game changers” in my life. I too, would “visit with God”, when it was convenient. How selfish I was, still am, but thank God toma lesser degree. My/“drug of choice”, not alcohol, drugs, was being “lured” by the temptation of The opposite Sex, Nkt everyday, but enough times, to “blow up” two marriages, leaving a “path of hurt”, in the “rubble”. My “carrier pigeon of faith”, always my Mom. I remember admitt8ng my mora” failures to her, she obviously devastated, she “hurt” fir me also. But, he4 Prayers never stopped. I guess she knew I would “return to God”. Temptation ! So easy, Getting back to God, nkt so, for me. God has all the “tools” we need, in my case, never took God seriously. You and I played, “Simon . says”, Nkw I say “God Says”.Not to say, all is perfect in my world, Insli0 8n To “dark places” But I think of My Mom, she say “ God Loves you Harold, all you have to do is “listen to his voice”. Today, with All My Heart, I “seek God’s Favor”. I was neve4 to old, too damageD Not to listen, and walk towards God. Sparrow, as I have said before, My Mom has designated You as my ‘carrier pigeon” of Faith, and I am eternal,y thankful for that. “red Light, Green
Light”, Lord God I am headed towards You”. Sparrow, I coukd write for days, regarding My Appreciation for Your Blogs. Another Home Run for You.❤️TexGen
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TexGen–you are always so kind and give my words such a careful reading. As you said, we left a lot of wreckage behind us, and it’s necessary to make amends and clean that up. But then you have to move on. And you are–in all of the work you do with your seniors. I like the image of a “carrier pigeon of faith.” I do think your mom would be very proud of you–her prayers have been answered. Thank you for the comment, and for such kind words. I appreciate you, too. And thank you for the song.