I love words. If I was stranded on a desert island, I’d want to have a Bible and a dictionary. A dictionary would keep me entertained for days. I love dictionaries because they provide definitions as well as etymologies—the meanings and origins of words. I could look at the etymology of various words for hours if their origin is Greek or Latin. There’s always so much to unpack in a word that has a Greek or Latin origin.
I was reading from one of my recovery meditation books yesterday, and the word “addict” jumped off the page. I realized that I’ve read countless books on addicts and addiction—but I’ve never once looked up the etymology of those words. So I promptly went and looked them up. Both “addict” and “addiction” come from the Latin word addictiō, which means the act of surrendering or the state of being enslaved. And both words are entwined in the ancient myth of Addictus, a slave who was set free when his master unlocked his chains. But when Addictus was freed, he never took off his chains—he’d become so used to being enslaved that he didn’t free himself. He wandered the earth, doomed to an eternity in chains that were locked only in his mind.
When I read this, my first reaction was to be irritated with Addictus—he’d seen his master unlock his chains. Why in the world would he choose to remain in them? Then I realized that I was irritated with Addictus because I saw so much of myself in him. I’m an addict who remained in my chains much longer than I needed to because I had completely surrendered to bondage. “Surrender” is a word that I have looked up before—and though there are many different definitions, the recurring one is “to give up.” Ouch. Paired with the Latin meaning of “addict” and “addiction,” that’s hard to digest, written out like that. But it’s the truth. I completely gave up and became a slave to substances. If you’re reading this and thinking, “I’m so glad I’m not an addict,” you might want to amend your sentence to “I’m so glad I’m not a drug addict.” Because I’d be willing to bet that you are addicted—enslaved because you surrendered to someone or something. That may sound harsh, but I say it with love and the hope that I can maybe stop you before you end up mired in a pit of addiction like I was.
Consider me your personal canary in the mine. Canaries were used as early warning systems in coal mines in the previous two centuries. They’re a sentinel species, which means that their bodies are very sensitive to environmental hazards, making them useful for detecting risks to humans. Canaries are particularly sensitive to carbon monoxide, so coal miners would take them down into the mine with them. If the level of carbon monoxide rose to harmful levels, the canaries would die, warning the miners to get out of the mine.
That’s what I’m going to do for you: I’m going to be your early warning system. I’ve gone into the darkest depths of the mine ahead of you, nearly died, and now I’m sounding the alarm for you: Run. Get out while you still can. Addiction is sneaky. One minute you’re just living your life, indulging in questionable behavior from time to time. The next minute, you’re completely enslaved. You’ve surrendered. You’re addicted. Addiction is a harsh word; addict is even harsher. And I don’t know many people who would be excited to identify themselves as an addict. But you can’t stop an addiction if you don’t recognize it for what it is. Have you surrendered—just completely given up your will—to any of these?
A habit or behavior that you may have enjoyed at first but is now consuming you?
A relationship that is full of so much chaos and drama that you’d feel empty without it?
Another person who you’re clinging to because you still believe they can fill up the holes in your heart?
An illness (I’m not referring to extremely serious or terminal illness) that brings you pain—but also gives you attention that you desperately need to stave off the loneliness in your heart? Do you have good days in your illness that you won’t allow yourself to celebrate because you’ve completely surrendered to the pain?
A job that you used to find passion in but has become all-consuming—to the point that you’re missing out on the joys of daily life?
If any of these sound familiar to you, then by the definition of the word itself, you’re an addict. Welcome to the club. Now that you’ve identified your problem, I’ll give you the solution: take back what you’ve surrendered. I fight every day to take back the power I gave to substances and instead give it to God. I fight to recover the voice that I didn’t have for so long. I fight to reclaim the precious relationships I gave up. And I fight to keep my hard-won freedom from the chains that bound me. What did your addiction cause you to surrender? It’s time to take it back. Take back the power you gave away in your relationship. Reclaim your identity as a person who depends only on God to fill your heart. Restore the joy you once had in your job. Recover who you were before your illness redefined you; fight to find joy and beauty on the bad days and celebrate the good ones.
I must warn you, as your personal canary, that none of this will be easy. Healing from addiction is a long process—and for some, like me, it will be a lifelong fight. You’re going to have to wake up every single day and make a choice before you even get out of bed: am I going to fight today or am I going to surrender? I implore you, with every ounce of love in my heart and with every fiber of my being—to choose to fight. Choose it ten thousand times a day if you have to. But fight. And start right now, before you’re so completely enmeshed in your addiction that you lose whatever fight you once had. The fight does get easier, day by day—easier, not easy. But you’re worth the fight, even if you don’t feel like it now.
You don’t have to live as an addict anymore. You can decide that your only master is God, and that you refuse to be bound to anyone or anything that threatens to take His place in your life. You can heed my warnings and pay attention to the cautionary tale of Addictus: don’t drag your heavy chains around just because you’re used to them. When God sets you free, grab ahold of Him and let go of the chains. The world is so much more beautiful when you’re free to live in it without chains. So fight. Please. Fight for your freedom. This is the fight of your life and the fight for your life. And it’s a fight you can win. I promise.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.Psalm 107:13-14
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Comments 6
We are all addicts, whether we like to admit it or not, just as we are all handicapped, whether we admit it or not. I know I have my own additions and am still working on it. I too love dictionaries, it is how I learned much of meanings of words, especially as English was my second language.
I loved this post and how you worked in the canary, it always floored me that miners used this wee tiny bird to help them know when danger was close. I have always admired miners and their abilities to do the work they do!
Klara–you said almost exactly what my Dad said in response to this–that we’re all afflicted and addicted in some way. I, too, admire miners. I’m seriously claustrophobic, so I’m in awe of what they take in stride. Thank you so much for your thoughtful reading and comment.
Excellent post! I believe we all are tied/enslaved to something. By the way my first 2 books to have on an island would be the Bible and of course the dictionary. (I love reading the dictionary!) Third book would be works of Shakespeare.
Thank you so much, Patricia. (I still feel strange calling you that. . . ) I have now discovered two people who are fellow dictionary lovers! Maybe we should form a book club and read the dictionary. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my words and share your thoughts.
Good Morning, Renee. After reading today’s Blog, your words started to “resonate”. Read it a couple of more times. Gathering my thoughts, I have decided to use “You” as my “early warning system”. Growing up, My Mom was an “early warning system”, for me. She would tell me, to “get rid” of any “impure or dark thoughts”.I would listen, but then “slip back”, in to “carnal” thoughts. Growing older, if I were in a relationship, marriage, etc., and felt that it was “deteriorating” or “ falling apart”, I or the other party (wife,girlfriend): would amicably, for the most part, end it. But, My “Dark Thoughts”, Have always “snuck back in”. Dwelling on these thoughts, just “distract, destruct” ones mind. So, today, I will declare to you, “I Am an addict, I am Addicted”. With you, Renee as m6 Canary aka Early Warning System, Everyday, I will sound the “Alarm” for you, Not easy to admit this “flaw”, but I admit it. Thank you, Renee. As I say you have hit another “Home Run” with your Blog.
Harold–like you, my mom was my early warning system. And I very much understand the struggle with your own thoughts. You are enormously brave to admit that you have an addiction problem regarding your thoughts. That is so very hard to do. Keep fighting those thoughts, my friend. It’s hard, I know. But it’s worth it. Thank you so very much for your kind words and for being so supportive of me.