My family, like most, has a vernacular all its own—a language built over years of shared experiences. One of my dad’s words in our family vernacular is LITMUS. LITMUS is Dad’s acronym for “Locked In Thinking Makes U Stupid.” Since we were kids, Dad has told us to open our minds and look at other ways of thinking. All he has to say is LITMUS and we know what he means. Sometimes he doesn’t even say it. He just does this movement that every single one of us knows, from my oldest sister to my youngest nephew: he pulls his hands apart, sort of like he’s playing an air accordion, both horizontally and vertically. And we all know it means that we need to stretch our minds and not be locked into what we’re thinking.
This is the conversation between my dad and me about every other day:
Dad: “You know what your problem is?”
Me: “No, but I’m pretty sure you’re going to tell me.”
And Dad does the LITMUS motion, pulling his hands apart. He’s always challenging me to think bigger, to question my own beliefs, and to try different things. My first reaction is to dig my heels in and start telling him why I’m right. But later, I’ll think about it, and I’ll hear this whisper: What if you’re wrong?
When I went to my first recovery meeting, I had a serious case of LITMUS: locked in thinking about who and what I was. I was completely convinced that I was broken beyond repair, that I wasn’t worth redemption, and that I was way too weak to fight the daily fight that recovery requires. Starting at that first meeting, my recovery group challenged my LITMUS at every turn. When I said I’m too broken, they said God heals. When I said I’ll fail, they said how do you know? When I said I know myself, they said what if you’re wrong? We talked and we prayed and every time I went to a meeting, my view of myself changed a little more. I started challenging myself the way they did—the way Dad does. With each new step I thought I surely couldn’t take, I’d hear it—what if you’re wrong? What if God has made you stronger than you think?
Gideon, my favorite unlikely hero in the Bible, also had a serious case of LITMUS regarding his own capabilities. He had reason to doubt himself and his future—his people, the Israelites, had been in captivity to the Midianites for years. Oppressed and discouraged, they had been crying out to God for deliverance. Enter Gideon.
When we first meet him, he’s hiding in a winepress as he threshes wheat, hoping to keep his little harvest out of the hands of the Midianites. An angel of the Lord comes to Gideon while he’s hiding and says, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” Gideon’s first reaction is to ask the angel why all of the oppression is happening to the Israelites. He asks politely and tentatively, beginning with, “Pardon me, my lord.” The angel of the Lord answers his questions about the Israelites by saying, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”
An ancient winepress like the one Gideon was hiding in.
I don’t think this was the answer Gideon was looking for. He dares to ask a question, and God answers by giving him a mission so big he can’t imagine it. And Gideon, quaking in his sandals, basically says to God, “No offense, sir, but a minute ago, I was all settled in my comfortable little hidey hole. You show up and say I’m a mighty warrior who’s supposed to save Israel? Thanks for the offer—but if you don’t mind, I’ll just get back to my wheat. I’m not the one you’re looking for. You should check with one of my brothers.”
But God doesn’t want one of Gideon’s brothers. He wants Gideon. He answers, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.” Again—not the answer Gideon was expecting. He doesn’t think there’s any possible way that he can strike down even one Midianite, let alone all of them. He asks the angel of the lord to give him some signs to prove that he truly is the angel of the Lord. When the angel proves himself, Gideon freaks out so badly that the angel says, “Peace! Do not be afraid. You are not going to die.”
Gideon must have been having a full blown panic attack at that moment: the angel has proven himself to be sent by God. So now Gideon has to choose if he’s going to believe that he, Gideon, is indeed who God says he is—a mighty warrior—or if he’s going to stay in panic mode and keep telling God he can’t do it. He chooses to believe God. At first, Gideon is only a warrior at night because he’s too scared to fight during the day. But slowly but surely, as he follows God’s orders, he grows in strength and in leadership and becomes a full-time warrior. And eventually, he leads the Israelites to defeat the Midianites.
God saw Gideon’s potential long before Gideon did. Gideon didn’t believe God even when God told him face-to-face that he was a mighty warrior. He was so stuck in his own way of thinking that he couldn’t conceive of being anyone other than who he thought he was—a weakling who was afraid, hiding, and convinced that everyone else could answer God’s call better than he could. I wonder if, after Gideon’s moment of panic about his shortcomings, the angel of the Lord planted a seed in Gideon’s mind: what if you’re wrong? What if you really are a mighty warrior? When Gideon stepped up, choosing to finally believe God, God met him at every turn. Whenever Gideon got scared and needed reassurance, God gave it to him. He transformed Gideon from a coward, hiding in the shadows, to a mighty warrior.
So I ask you—can you pass the LITMUS test? Are you like Gideon—so locked into what you’ve always believed about yourself that you’re blind to who God says you really are? Are you convinced that you’re not the one God’s looking for because someone else could do it better? What if you’re wrong? What if you’re capable of far more than you ever thought you were? What if you’re hiding in the shadows, afraid of what’s around you—when you’re actually a mighty warrior with a God-given purpose and mission? And what if you chose today, right this minute, to start finding and fulfilling that purpose? You don’t have to wait until you’re not afraid. God will meet you in your most panicked moment and give you the strength to move forward, just like He did with Gideon. So step up, mighty warrior. Even if you’re quaking from head to toe. Even if you still believe you can’t. It’s time to prove yourself wrong. And watch God prove Himself right.
“He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.” Confucius
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I thought it very poiniant. We are children of God. What do we really know. I would dearly love a curtain call from Rev Billy Graham!
Poignant is the perfect word–thank you. And amen to your thought about Billy Graham.
70s! Stupid phone. The song is counting blue cars by Dishwalla.
Steve–I have a vague memory of this song’s melody, but I never paid attention to the lyrics. So I just listened to it–and I really like them. Interesting storytelling about God from the point of view of children. Thank you for sharing it with me.
I was watching a remake of an Avengers movie last night. An old old British show from when I was stationed there in the ups. John Steed and Emma Peel. Dishwslla do a song on Emma Peel which was rather awesome. After the Emma Peel song was a song by the same group Dishwalla. “Tell me all your thoughts on God cause I’d really like to meet her!” Pretty song. Tell me what you think.
Dear Renee, this was an amazing blog and a good reminder for all of us. I don’t necessarily think locked in thinking is stupid, just that we must continuously challenge ourselves and that at times it seems impossible to get past certain mind blocks that are almost ingrained in our way of thinking. As you are aware I have overcome some pretty difficult obstacles and fought very hard to do so, but some obstacles seem to re-appear time and time again even as I am very open minded and willing to listen. I think the evil one plays a large role in this to undermine how God sees me.
I just had a very challenging week with the so called friend I was helping out in his new store and am no longer wanted? That after begging me for help and me stepping to the plate and re-doing his entire store. All of a sudden it may have to do something with my given personality? Wow, I was shocked even as I know it is him who has insecurity and trust issues with all of the staff he has had so far, but to try and put the blame on me was pretty tough to swallow.
Again and again the evil one wants to destroy our sense of self worth and make us look rejected. And each time rejection creeps in I need to re-assert myself and go back to Isaiah 43:4 to remind me who I really am In the eyes of God.
Your post is a powerful reminder for me that I god’s I eyes I am a warrior or soldier and I can go out as such cloaked in his armour of protection with my head up high!
Love to you for this. I needed to think a while when your post appeared as I felt pretty rough around the edges with the accusations that were slung at me.
Klara–you’re so right. The evil one does want to destroy our sense of self worth. He knows our weaknesses and strikes us there. You’re a person who wants to help–it brings you fulfillment and purpose. So of course that would be the place where you’d be attacked. You tried to help someone, and it backfired. And even though you know that it’s his problem, not yours, it still hurts and makes you second guess yourself. I’m so sorry that you had that experience. But if ever I’ve known a mighty warrior, it’s you, my friend. Thank you for sharing and for always adding to what I’ve written.
Thanks Renee, this is the second time over these last months that I was attacked, the last time being when I helping a friend re-arrange his new home and was to do a master quilt for one wall of the room and he negated and never paid me for the work. I need to become more vigilant, I am way to trust worthy by nature. Sister told me I need to make contracts in writing for anything? I do sincerely wish I could just trust people more. The first person was a professed Christian, my other friend is against Christianity? I will do anything in a heartbeat for anyone, without pay, these were just paid ones. I understand if it does not work out between people, what I don’t understand is why they need to attack my person to justify their actions or inactions. That is just plain wrong, mean, hurtful and spiteful.
Thanks for helping me understand I am a warrior. Needed to hear this. For now sewing up a storm for my grandbabies to be creative and productive anyway I know how. I need to be busy to get over stuff?
Oh, Klara, my sensitive friend. I understand. I hope I don’t offend you when I say that you’re probably trying to make sense out of the insensible and rationalize the irrational. It’s clear to me that both of these people were irrational. And you’re right–just plain mean. You probably do trust people too easily; I know I do. I think your heart is so big that you want to think the best of people–and there are people that just don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. I only say this because I’m the same way. I will channel Monty here and point out the silver lining–you’re sewing for the ones you love–and if that’s what came out of it, it’s a great thing, right?! Love you, my friend.
Yep, sewing my heart out to show my love for the babies. That said, I would do it for anyone and have done for my neighbour Darlene and others. And yes, I have a super sensitive heart, I wish it was different at times. And so often I find myself asking, could I have done something different, did I do something wrong, for ever trying to find reason or an answer, but there is none, unless I want to blame myself for everything under the sun? Thanks Renee for loving me just as I am!
God bless our pastor our leader Reverend Billy Graham! He has taken his leadership place in heaven. O if he could only now give us one final sermon!!
Agree! I saw this quote from him yesterday, I think: “Some day you will read or hear that Billy Graham is dead. Don’t you believe a word of it. I shall be more alive than I am now. I will just have changed my address. I will have gone into the presence of God.”
I absolutely love that!
Me, too!
I loved this painting a picture with your words of Gideon’s story. It can be so easy to get discouraged or what God has planned for you. Thank you for your blog and to Monty for producing it? First I like your words and thoughts. I read and think to myself, I really want to be your friend 🙂 and it feels like I’m connecting with you and your family as I read. Second I love the layout and color scheme and how you weave in quotes and the you-tube. Is Monty for hire?
Sarah–thank you so very much! I really want to be your friend, too! I’m so glad that you found something worthwhile in my words. Yes, Monty is the “producer.” I’m the creative part; he’s the technical part. I’ll tell him the vision I have, and he translates it into his own technical language and makes everything I envisioned that much better. He’s a genius with all of that technical stuff. I would say that sure, Monty is for hire–but his boss is my dad, so that might not go over well. . . Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it so much.
Renee, this Blog put my brain to work. Throughout my life, self confidence was never real issue. Not cocky, but not afraid to listen first , then “jump in”. Maybe some “nerves”, but I jumped in. Never really concerned about being “Numero Uno”, but confidant. My service in U.S, Army also added a confidant attitude. My occupation, as a P.I., always put me in different situations. In discussions, be it about politics, religion, etc., I always try to see “all points of view”. At times, not agreeing with the final outcome, but realizing we are all created with a common thread.In my Seniors Years,as I have “dived headfirst into helping, volunteering, always confidant I am going for the “ultimate good”. Yes, mistakes along the way, but always willing and act to do things differently, for the benefit of others. Your Dad, is a “wise man, Thank you for your wonderful,creative efforts Renee. I will close, hoping I always think of others, listen to other opinions.
Harold, thank you for your insight. You definitely are a very open-minded person, which I admire about you. I’m learning to be the mighty warrior who has the kind of confidence that you have. You’re right about my dad, too. An extremely wise person! Thank you for being such a faithful reader and for sharing your thoughts.
Thank God I’m not one of the tested.
I have the strength of an old man. I do however have the faith of an old man.
I know people need me and I will be as strong as I can for as long as I can! My friends and family I have left deserve my all!
Steve–it delights me to say this to you: what if you’re wrong? How do you know you’re not “one of the tested?” I don’t exactly know how much strength an “old man” has–but it doesn’t matter. It’s God’s strength, not yours. You have the faith you need. God has the strength you need. Put those together, and you’ve got the mightiest of warriors! Thank you for being such a faithful reader–I always appreciate your feedback.