From the time I was old enough to articulate it, I knew that I wanted to be a writer. I loved words. I loved putting them together to make sentences, plots, poems, and prayers. My plan for myself was to get an English degree, marry Monty, and, when I finally had the time, sit down and churn out a few bestsellers.
Instead, in my early twenties, I derailed my life—unknowingly at first. I was on a legitimate search for answers for the depression I was drowning in and the physical pain that I lived with day after day. That search, combined with some uneducated and stupid choices, led me into a spiral of addiction and alcoholism. And I let my dream of writing, along with every other dream I had, die. There were days when I was lucid enough—when I’d been sober for maybe a week—to think about writing again. And Monty, of course, encouraged me. He listened to me talk endlessly about what I should write, and how, and where to get this as-yet-unwritten-writing published. During one of those brief periods of sobriety, we talked about some kind of website for my writing. I bought a notebook to fill with ideas for that website. And I wrote one page before I put the notebook away and went back to my old familiar addictions and behaviors.
Several verses were instrumental in moving me out of those behaviors and into a place of healing. One of the ones I held onto was Micah 3:10: “’Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,’ says the Lord Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.’”
When I read that verse, I decided to take God at His word. I tested Him and finally, finally (with my soul taking the deepest breath of its life) moved out of the place I was in. With his divine hand on mine, I started writing. I wrote out the prayers that I still dared to believe God might answer—the prayers that came from the deepest part of my broken heart, begging God for healing. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. My own mental and emotional floodgates opened, and years of pent-up words of loss and sadness and grief flowed across notebooks, keyboards, pieces of napkins, Post-It notes, even on my hands when I couldn’t find paper. Writing made me willing—if I could write prayers, if I could write about a future without constant darkness, if I could write about what it would be like to be sober and clear-headed—then maybe, just maybe, I could do, have, and be those things.
I realize now that there was a part of me that had always known—I’d always known that, for me, the pathway to healing was in writing. But I was so familiar with my existence, as horrible as it was, that I was afraid to give it up. I knew that if I sat down and actually started writing, my life would change. And that scared me so badly that I pretended I didn’t know how to begin to heal. Isn’t it that way with all of us? We know the way to healing. We know the answers. But we pretend that we don’t. Because choosing to heal and then following the path of those choices is hard. Believe me, if there were an easier way, I would have found it. I started going to recovery meetings because I wanted a quick fix for my life. There isn’t one. I had to take the principles I learned there and put them into practice. I still do. And I’ll be honest—there’s still a small part of me that’s surprised when living by those principles actually works. I find the same thing with Biblical principles. I know them—I knew them—but knowing them wasn’t enough. I had to start living by them.
Remember that page from the notebook I mentioned—the one page I wrote before closing another book on my writing? I found that notebook the other night. And I found that page:
I don’t even know how many years passed before I remembered that dream. A decade at least—before Mom suggested that I start a blog. Monty remembered the “Poetic Blessings” name. I sat down and actually started writing. And “Poetic Blessings” was born. With it came new dreams and new purpose. For the first time in my life, I’m writing regularly—and not just what I write here. With every word I write, God brings new healing. Every day, He showers me with blessings—poetic and otherwise. Sometimes I just have to close my eyes, lift my face and hands to heaven, and let my thirsty soul absorb every last drop He rains down.
I’d known all along that He would heal me. Right here, right now, you know it, too. And you know how to begin that healing. You cannot plead ignorance: somewhere in your soul, you already know. You’re just not doing it. Whether you need to go to a meeting, tell a friend about the pain that keeps you awake at night, or start filling up a notebook—you know the first step to your personal journey of healing. And that step will take you to the next. And the next. Ruminating over it and dreaming about the far-off day when you’ll get around to it will only scare you into quitting before you start. So take the step you know to take. Ask God to heal you. And get ready for rain—the heavenly floodgates are about to open.
“There shall be showers of blessing:
This is the promise of love;
There shall be seasons refreshing,
Sent from the Savior above.”
Daniel Whittle
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Comments 12
Thank you Renee for this. Your posts always make me think about what I feel right then and there as I read your words. Loved the song you chose for this post, almost like a chant we should sing constantly in our heart.
God is the great Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals and that healing comes in various ways, may it be physical, emotionally, mentally and in a variety of other ways. Ultimately perfect healing comes only when He takes us home
Years ago when I first accepted Jesus into my heart I did two inductive studies, one was called ” Lord heal my hurts”, the second was ” Lord is it warfare?” I think the two belong together in many ways. As long as we live there will be a war for our souls and we need to be aware of this and to know with certainly whose camp we belong to. We are soldiers and we need to remember to not to only defend, but also to be on the offence. We are to always be ready to do battle, not just at our homefront, but as we step out into the world and know who our enemy is. We go out with the belt of truth wrapped around us, Jesus wrapped round us to love us and protect us through the storms that may come our ways, let Him carry us in whichever way we need. The fight is not always easy or fair, but to remember He who calmed the storm, will calm the storm for us and or walk with us through it. So glad He has walked through the storm with you and me and all those who hold on to Him knowing His love is sufficient.
Klara–thank you. Such beautiful, wise words. I forget so often that we are in a real battle for our souls–this isn’t play time. And battle involves hardship, wounds, losses, and victories. Your description of being battle-ready is so good. Onward, Christian soldiers! Thank you for adding so much to my post. Love to you.
You’re amazing ♥️
Thank you, my sweet sister.
Renee, Powerful. Three words. “Let it Rain.”.I have known the answers ALL my life. But, I would “ mouth the words”, knowing inside I would never put them in to Practise. Result? Failed marriages, friendships What did I end up with? Empty feelings inside. Always seemed to make stupid, immature decisions. Very selfish decisions. We do, “all know the Words”, as well as“we know the answers”. Loss, sadness, wasted years. We avoid, pretend. I have found a path. First step, commit 100% to marriage. We celebrate 39 years this June. Debbie, my wife, has been my “compass”. Next, I am learning to not only learn, but Live the Biblical examples. The past 5 years, since retiring have becone a full time Volunteer with “Seniors”. I love it, I love Them. I still “slip”, Let negative thoughts into my Head. I am a “work In progress”. But, reading your
Blog, helps me to Focus. I ask God to Heal me everyday., throughout the day.
So, Renee, LET IT RAIN. Loved the musical
Video, By Michael W. Smith, “There shall be showers of Blessing. This is this is The Promise of Love. There shall be seasons refreshing sent from ThecSavior Above. All we need to do is ask God to heal you, and LET IT RAIN. Th@nks again, Renee. You are a Blessing.
Thank you for adding so much to my post, Hal. You’re exactly right–I think all of us tend to pay lip service to the things we know are right–it’s the actual doing of those things that’s hard. We’re all works in progress, and your example of strength through vulnerability inspires me. Thank you again.
Renee,
you are a blessing from God!
LoraK
Thank you, Lora! You just blessed me today.
From a cynical old man I believe you speak from the heart a message of God’s love and forgiveness! Let your little light shine! People will benefit from your thoughts! I know I am. Spread your wealth. Let your light shine!!!!
Thank you, Steve–not sure I’d call you old. . . I pray every single time I send out a blog post that it carries the message of God’s love and forgiveness–so thank you so much for those words. I will keep on. Thank you for your encouragement.
Renee. You touch this old calloused heart. Please please submit this and others to Christian magazines and newspapers. Don’t limit yourself here. You have stories to be told to the masses. Let God give you the strength to try. You have NOTHING to lose but so many have a life to recover and a soul to be healed. Don’t hide your wisdom. Please!
Steve–thank you so very much. Your words are more rain to my soul, and I will treasure them–and pray over them. Thank you for touching MY heart tonight.